This thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.

You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down. ~Mary Pickford

I had lunch with Zia today, which was great as I haven’t seen her in weeks. She made my day when she said that she’s never seen me as direct or strong—I can’t remember exactly what she said—as I was that afternoon. Usually, I wouldn’t even hear her compliment. Or if I did, I would dismiss it.

But stating clearly what I want and how I feel is something I’ve been working hard as hell on, and it feels good to have friends who have known me for years notice. I don’t know how much of it is due LIOS or kung fu, or simply setting the intention of changing. I think it has a little to do with all of those things. And, as I said to Zia, it’s still a process that I’m taking one step at a time.

During module, someone in my I-Group said that they had a judgment about me, that whenever someone else was having difficulty, that it seemed hard for me to sit with their discomfort; that I was quick to jump in and try to help. I had to laugh, because what she said is true, and I readily admit it. Worring about others has been a pattern for a long time, and though I’m working on it, change comes in small increments.

From white to black

Tonight we had our second to last class before becoming white belts. I can’t believe how fast time has gone by since I started. My instructor Kate said that where some people have beer goggles, she has black-belt goggles; and she could see each and every one of us going on to earn our black belts.

She mentioned that earlier in her teaching career, she would make guesses as to who would excel at kung fu—that some students learned more quickly—but she doesn’t do that any longer. Over the years, she’s seen that it doesn’t depend on strength, or flexibility, or coordination, or intelligence. What determines who progresses and who doesn’t comes down to one thing. Those who train twice a week—regardless of what advantages or disadvantages they come in with—are the ones who advance.

When we finished class, Kate asked us if we’ve noticed any change in our behavior since the beginning of the series. When I thought about it, a smile came across my face. I’m still far from being the Queen of Assertiveness, but I think it has changed me in small ways. I am more direct, less apologetic. I’m more confident in taking up space.

The only moment there is for us

"We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive. Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity. We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment."

Thich Nhat Hanh

Home again, home again

I went to the grocery store today. When I went to pay, however, my card got denied. I had the clerk enter in everything manually, but it still wouldn't go through. It turns out the Doubletree charged me some $1,200 extra, or had at least authorized that amount and Bank of America froze activity on my account. Koya was waiting out in the car, so I didn’t have time to call the bank until I got home. After what seemed like an hour on the phone, I finally got it all straightened out.

Needless to say, it’s been a very long day...

I got caught in traffic when I went to my dad's to pick up Koya. Getting there and back took me several hours. Looking at him now, he's very happy to be home.

Come to think of it, I am, too.

It's been wonderful to have a day to myself to reflect on all that's happened. I spent the afternoon at the beach, listening to the sound of the waves and not really doing much of anything.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day

We got out of class a little early, and, as always following module, I’m completely exhausted.

It’s interesting, I’ve been so in the midst of change, that I don’t think I’ve realized how much I’ve done in the past few months. One person after another kept coming up to me saying that they saw something different about me, a lightness in my eyes, more confidence—that there was just a brightness that was not visible in the same way before. It’s nice to know that some of the work I’ve done can be seen on the outside.

We started our curriculum for the Systems Counseling track and practiced sitting in the therapist's chair for the first time. My God was that an awakening! 15 minutes felt like a lifetime. I can't imagine an hour. We had cases about death and families with real problems--a paraplegic son, a depressed daughter, and an alcoholic father--or others with molestation or abuse (this was our very first time practicing).

I took some big risks, too. Today, I challenged one of my professors. And though it angered her and left me unsure of how it will affect my evaluation, I am confident that it’s a clear sign I’m growing, that I'm finding out the answer to whether or not I can disappoint another to be true to myself.

And now that I’m back, with a long list of things that need to be done, and knowledge of just how much I need to study before my ABS oral exams, I can step back and look at the past few days as an incredible gift. In many ways, this module was easier than others. I’m getting used to the 12-14 hour days (as much as you can). But Module 6 also challenged me in a new way.

A friend of a friend and former LIOS graduate described the program as one of the most beautiful and difficult things he’s ever done. I’d say that has been my experience as well. I knew it would challenge me on a personal level, but as my friend Lisa said the other day, “I knew it would be hard, but I had no fucking idea.”

With each new layer, each new challenge (even the ones that seem insurmountable at the time), and the continued deepening of awareness, I can feel my world changing, expanding in ways I could not have imagined. And there is movement in my life, as opposed to motion.

Changing what you think is possible

From Free Will Astrology
Throughout history there have been secret schools that don't advertise their existence. To enroll, students must either be invited or else stumble on them by chance. In post-Renaissance Europe, for example, Rosicrucian mystery schools taught an esoteric form of Christianity at odds with the Church. Seventeenth-century English poet Andrew Marvell and his cohorts had their underground School of the Night, and ancient Greek poet Sappho stealthily gathered young women at her Moisopholon, "House of the Muses." In recent years the Sexy Bratty Genius School has periodically convened classes at 3 a.m. under a highway overpass in San Francisco. According to my reading of the current omens, Cancerian, you're close to making contact with a similar source of teaching. Whether you end up actually matriculating depends on how you answer the question, "Do you want to learn about things you've considered impossible?"

Landslide

On my way home, my favorite song was playing on the radio. It was a long drive, but listening to the words touched me. No matter how many times I hear it, Landslide always gives me chills.

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hill
still the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, Ive been afraid of changing
cause Ive built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
Im getting older too

Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down

If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe the landslide will bring it down

Quote of the day

I was scrolling though blogs this evening and came across a great quote:

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us, but how we react to what happens; not by what life brings to us, but the attitude we bring to life.."

Back to school

I’m on my way to drop Koya off at my dad’s. I should have left hours ago, so that I could rest tonight. Instead, I went out with friends and had a great time.

I’m trying to be excited about going to class tomorrow. Mark Johnson will do another Family Constellation demonstration in the evening, which I’m really looking forward to. After working together at the Family Constellation training with Dietrich Weth, we became rather close. Mark's also someone I plan on training with once I graduate.

The demonstration will be an intense way to start the weekend, but I think that’s rather typical for LIOS...

All I need to do is try to have a good attitude and have fun.

Pictures from Sunrise

Here are a few pictures from my recent hiking trip to Sunrise: Mt. Rainier on the way to Fremont lookout
7,200 feet--So high it felt almost like flying Wildflowers of every color
On top of the world

Where did all the time go?

Two days before module, and I have a long list of things to do. It feels great to get up early and have time to go for a run. Plus I’m happy to spend time with Koya before I leave.

BTW, here's a picture of him when he was just a couple of months old.

Support local poets

"Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world." Percy Shelley, 1822

In the 1800s, maybe that was true. But today, unfortunately, it seems that poetry is a dying art form. I will always have a certain fondness for poems. They were what I wrote when I took writing seriously. And I love that you can capture so much with only a few words. A lifetime.

I got my vote in right before the deadline for the Seattle Poet Populist. Honestly, I voted for a kind woman who lives in B.'s building and always opens the door for me. We all have our own reasons for voting the way we do, whether for something small or more consequential, say like the Presidential Election.

San Francisco, Denver and Toronto are examples of cities that conduct official Poet Laureate programs. Unlike Poet Laureate programs, Seattle conducts a city-wide popular vote to determine its official civic poet – a Poet Populist. Classic laureate programs rely upon direct selection by dignitaries or government officials. In 1999, the Seattle City Council recognized the election of its first official Seattle Poet Populist. The Seattle Poet Populist program continues today, charged with promoting the principals of populist poetic expression when performing in and around the City, providing public education in poetry and authoring an original poem for inclusion in the City’s archives at the conclusion of his or her one-year term.

Even if you aren’t sold on any of the poets running, I’d encourage you to vote and support local artists who are trying to make it. Voting closes at 5:00 pm today.

Let it go

It's time.

Feeling young and full of life

The KMTT Mountain Music Fest was wonderful. I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun dancing. My shoes were off, my hair was down, and I didn't have a care in the world.

The venue couldn't have been better--outside, in the late afternoon sun. Lisa and I got there just after four and had a hard time finding a parking place. Maymoor Park is enormous! In fact, there were several other events in addition to the concert that were going on at the same time.

Lisa was happy after seeing Shawn Mullins. He's a talented song writer, and it was heart warming to see how much he writes about his children and his wife. Just a good Southern boy who has taken time to notice the beauty in the world. You could tell how much he was in love with life. He reminded me of a line from Jerry Maguire. "In life, to be honest, I have failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my life. I love my wife. And I wish you my kind of success. "

More than anything else, Shawn Mullins is a great story teller. I was just glad to b there, listening to good music and spending time with a dear friend. I felt that evening as if anything would be possible. I think it is, if I choose to have that attitude.

There was a family sitting next to us, visiting from Tacoma with an old friend from college (who happened to go to my graduate alma matter). The friend, whose name was Mark, was one of the sweetest men I’ve met. Sadly, you could just tell he didn't have anyone in his life; and he was so deserving of happiness. After several drinks, and feeling inspired by the music, I asked Mark to dance. Then of course the music slowed down and it was incredibly awkward. I told him that I hoped he didn’t mind, but I had a boyfriend and just thought that he was an incredibly sweet guy and might ejoy dancing.

It amazes me that such a small gesture of kindness could mean so much to someone. After we went back to sit down, Mark thanked me a couple of times. Knowing that I was in a counseling program, when I got up to leave, he touched my wrist and thanked me again for my comments. He said that he knew I would be a wonderful counselor, that I had a very gentle, caring way about me. It’s silly, I know, but his words meant a lot to me, because they weren’t an attempt to flatter me, and he wasn't telling me something he thought I’d want to hear in order to get something. Rather it was something that he felt from his heart. The foolishness I'd felt asking him to dance disappeared, and I felt glad that I'd taken a moment to make this man smile.

Speaking of stubborn goats

What it is with self sabotage? Are humans inherently trained to stop themselves from moving forward? Yes, sometimes success can seem more risky than failure. I can't explain that. Logically, it seems absurd. It really does.

There are moments when I realize I’m in the wrong, I’ve got no reason to argue with someone, and yet I keep arguing. Is being right more important that being happy? Am I really that stubborn? Or foolish?

Life’s too short. It does make me wonder about human nature though. In time, maybe being right will be less important, being content more.

Don't regret what might have been.

Accept what is and rejoice in what is yet to be.

I turned it in. At this point, I’m just glad that it’s out of my hands for a while. After working for almost 11 hours straight, my brain is fried—like in the “this is your brain on drugs” commercial without any of the benefits of actually being on drugs.

So, B. calls me today to tell me he’s going to the beach. Anyone who knows me at all, knows how cruel that is. I don’t exactly have a lot of discipline—and thoughts of spending the day at the beach when I have to sit in front of a computer all day are just painful. But a girl has to do what she has to do.

Now that it’s done, I can relax this weekend, enjoy spending time with Kelly (who’s visiting from Wisconsin) go to Kabul for some good food and wine, and then see a fabulous concert tomorrow at Marymoor Park—the KMTT Mountain Music Fest: Carbon Leaf + Jackie Green + Shawn Mullins + Bo Deans. I like them all, so it should be a blast. The music does not much matter, as Lisa and I always have a great time, especially if ther's wine involved...

Morning sunshine

I got up early to work on my project. I’d forgotten how beautiful the light was early in the morning coming in from the East. Recently I painted my office (or really Max came and painted for me) and until today, I have not been crazy about the color, though I loved the name. Ironically, it’s called morning sunshine. In this light, I like it a lot.

Escalation

Kung fu class tonight kicked my ass in more ways than one. We sparred for the first time will full contact. I’m the smallest and shortest person in my class, so sometimes it’s intimidating when being punched or kicked by women twice my size. There are times when their force literally moves me. But with concentration, I'm amazed at how much force I can recieve and hold my own.

I’m learning that it’s more mental limitations—rather than physical—that I need to overcome. Week after week, kung fu is teaching me that I am exactly as strong as I think I am.

That being said, I’m still in a little bit of pain from sparring practice and a series of round-house kicks we did that were really hard on my back and hips. I felt a little behind, too. Because of a prior commitment, I had to miss class last Tuesday and, unfortunately, will have to miss one more before the beginner’s series is over. But I'm getting so much out of it that I want to continue.

Wisdom from the Sopranos

It's always good news until it ain't.

The high life

We didn’t get to Mt. Rainier until about 2:00, because we had to stop and get supplies and the drive took longer than anticipated. Once we got to Sunrise, it was beautiful!
On the way up the mountain, B. was saying that Mt. Fremont would be the highest he’s ever hiked.

“Really?”
“Well I haven’t hiked in Asia.”

When I thought about it, 7,200 feet is the highest I’ve been in the United States. Mt. Rainier is 14,420 feet and at Sunrise we were almost half way to the top.

The first part of the hike from Sunrise to Shadow Lake and Sunrise camp was 1.8 miles with breathtaking views of Mt. Rainier and wild flowers of every color. We took what I hope will be some great pictures, but they won't be developed until Friday. (I hate waiting for pictures!)

After setting up camp, we started out the 2.3 mile hike to Mt. Fremont. We got to the top right before dusk and stopped for a little snack and were joined by a couple of chipmunks. One of them was just a baby, but the other one was enormous and seemed to be perfectly comfortable to come and eat out of our hands. I think he had a few too many potato chips and Cliff bars. :) The smaller one was more picky and only liked the salty stuff.

We hiked back down as the sun was setting and got back moments before it got dark, so the timing was perfect. This time, equipped with +20 degree F. sleeping bags, the cold was not a problem like it was the last time we came to Mt. Rainier. However, there were so many animals at the campsite that I kept hearing noises all night and had a hard time getting to sleep.

On a positive note, the sky was full of stars, and we actually saw a shooting star falling out of the night sky. I was hoping to see Mars, as this month it is supposed to be the closest it has ever been to Earth and rather bright.

The next morning we hiked back to Sunrise so that we could drop off all the gear. We had a small breakfast and then started the climb to Dege Peak. I was worried about getting back to Seattle for my study group, so almost turned back before reaching the top. I’m glad I didn’t, because the views were amazing. You could see in every direction and, with the sky so clear, you could see Mt. Adams in the distance.

“The nearly flat Sourdough Ridge trail has open views over most of its length. Dege Peak makes a great climax, from The Mountain, to Cowlitz Chimenys, to the Cascades, to the Olympics.”

I’d highly recommend Sunrise and any of the surrounding hikes in the area. I’d just be sure to go during the week, as it was pretty crowded even on a Tuesday.

Thank god for running shoes

Went running to let off steam, even though my foot was badly blistered from hiking yesterday. I swear, sometimes that’s all that keeps me sane. I’m finding that my project is giving me plenty of opportunities to practice being patient, setting boundaries, and asking for what I want. I'm trying to look at it that way anyway, so that it doesn't drive me nuts.

I really need to change my attitude about it, because this is just not working.

Lately my interactions have left me wondering though, do certain companies only employ arrogant morons?

Sunrise to Fremont Mt.

I just got back from two days hiking around Mt. Rainier with B. It was incredible, certainly the most beautiful hike we’ve been on this year, although to our great disappointment we didn’t see any goats:(

More on the trip soon.

Sometimes life is a day at the beach

August 13th

Of course, I forgot the sunscreen on a day that was above 80. But, it was so nice to lie in the sun and read. So peaceful. There is no place that I would have rather been. And no one I would have rather been with.

B. and I went to Golden Gardens, where you can see the Olympics in the distance. It was absolutely breathtaking today.

I remember going to the same beach years ago on my birthday before meeting friends for dinner. I think it was 2002. I spent several hours sitting on the beach alone, writing in my journal. So much of what I wrote about that day has somehow manifested—and in ways that I could not have foreseen. Life’s funny that way. (This was before my car accidents and the thoughts of counseling, before Write Image, before the head injuries and physical therapy, before I was ready to let anyone into my life).

I don’t know how the things I wished for came to be. But they did.

Today, there was a moment that I was overcome by the beauty surrounding me. In an impulse, I walked out into the water, shivering at first and then welcoming the cool burning sensation on my skin. Waves came, moving my body with them. I thought about just how powerful writing what you want can be. And I had a moment where I felt connected.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin

I’ve had several moments lately where I’ve felt if I were to die, I would die truly happy. I wish I could freeze these moments, remember them when things seem overwhelming. And it’s not that I want to die—not by any means—or feel that I've done all that I wanted. I'm so excited about what’s to come, even the personal challenge I know is just around the corner.

I guess at this point in my life, I feel at peace in a lot of areas—at least areas of my personal life. My relationships aren’t always easy, but (for the most part) I’ve reached a place where I’m content. I'm surrounded by friends who inspire and challenge me. I’ve come such a long way with my family, and enjoy the time that I get to spend with them. And, after many years, I’m with someone I truly love--in a relationship that continues to amaze me. I'm moving forward. Step by step.

It’s my professional life where there are more loose ends, so much more that I want to accomplish—and some things that I yearn for but can’t fully imagine yet.

In time...

For now, I’m going to focus on the moments where the rest of the world seems to disappear. Relish in them. Practice just standing still, letting the warm rays of the sun touch my skin. Listen to the sound of the water as I’m running through the park. Be thankful.

Accept these gifts that are being offered to me.

I found a new favorite drink.

Cucumber Kamikazes.

Who could ask for more? To quote 43 places, “Whoever invented the Cucumber Kamikaze is several kinds of genius.” I'd have to agree.

I had my first one the other day when I went to Lottie’s Lounge to try to catch up on paperwork. It’s one of my favorite cafes to go to and read or work. During the day, it’s not terribly crowded, so it’s a good place to study. And in the evening, there is often live music.

The bartender-turned-owner Josh serves unusual drinks from Watermelon Mohitos to the aforementioned Cucumber Kamikaze. In addition to fun drinks, the bar serves food that’s better than your typical bar fare, like spinach and artichoke dip with warm pita bread.

Plus while there I scored big at Scrabble, which has got to make a girl happy...

There are no mistakes, no coincidences.

"There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from."
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Progress is nobody’s business

There is something so wonderful about Saturday mornings. I’ve always felt that, even as a kid. It’s a day when you have free license to do whatever you want. Even when I have an enormous amount of work to do, I always try to keep Saturday to play. So, I get to go for a run by myself (I’m leaving Koya, because the poor boy is wearing a cone and can be a real bully when we run; he keeps hitting my legs with the cone). Then, a little studying, catching up on writing, and an early kung fu class.

I’ve been thinking about all the changes since we left module. So much growth has happened—in me, in my close friends. We have all faced major trials. It’s seemed much longer than 6 weeks. I question whether I’m ready to go back. There is something about now knowing how we are all watched. And some of the things the faculty want to see make me feel that we will have to appear to be something we are not, we have to learn how to play the game. I’m just about the most transparent person out there. I have trouble lying to strangers. Putting on an act with people I care about is all but impossible.

Maybe that’s not the answer. Maybe I just show up, as I am , and if there are changes that have occurred in the past few weeks, they will be outwardly visible. I went for a walk a little while ago with a friend from my I-Group. We are doing “The Work” together, at least we have started to with the intention of doing more, meeting more often. After our conversation, he quoted Katie Byron when he said, “Progress is nobody’s business.” It was good for me to hear. One of the things that is a challenge for me is not being self critical. Not analyzing my own progress. He’s right though. All we can do is show up, and give it our best. Progress is God’s business. Not mine.

Along those lines, I have to say that Lisa surprised me with a sweet little book of quotes the other day, which she bookmarked for me with two quotes to read. Here's one of them:
“If you don’t know the answer, perhaps you should rephrase the question.”

Vacation planning woes

Because I took on this wonderful project that keeps slipping, I won’t have time to go to China as I had planned. And, because China is now off the list, my partner and I have been talking about taking a cruise to Alaska. I asked my Aunt Debbie about her experience when she who took a cruise there a couple of years ago. She and my uncle LOVED it. I got excited, as it is supposed to be beautiful during the summer.

We found out the other day that all of the cruises to Alaska that leave in Sept. are sold out. Now, I’m not sure what we will do.

We could just take a backpacking trip for a couple of weeks. I think getting away anywhere for a week or so would be a lot of fun. I’m going to check into staying at a cabin somewhere on the ocean or hiking to a mountain lake. Have any suggestions?

"A trip to the market, a trip around the world"

One of my joys of summer is going to the Columbia City Farmers Market on Wed. afternoons—fresh blackberries, bundles or organic beets for $1, and of course heirloom tomatoes. This time, I also got some Chinese spinach and yellow squash to go with homemade spinach spaghetti. Yumm.

I’m trying to cook more. Having lots of fresh vegetables around makes it so much easier. And, I just can't resist the flowers. Although I love to receive flowers anytime, I actually enjoy buying them for myself, too. They brighten my days immensely and are worth far more than what I pay for them.

I’m loving the weather today. It feels like fall, and days like this make it much easier to work.

A walk in the park

What a crazy day! Zia came over to avoid the noise, as Steve is taking their house apart one room at a time. We both had so much work to do, but my conference calls left me feeling really frustrated. I did as much work as I could do, and then the two of us (and the dogs) went for an afternoon walk around Seward Park.

It’s hard to make time for things like that, especially when there is so much going on. But considering how stress has gotten to me lately, I am committed to making time for myself more of a priority.

Today, it was well worth it. It was nice to be out by the water and to watch Koya swimming. He seemed happier than I've seen him lately. And I just have to trust that it will all get done, somehow. It always does.

When you really listen to yourself, you can heal yourself. Ceanne DeRohan

I had a full-blown anxiety attack last night. I have not had one in a while. I struggled to find time to go for a run this morning, because I have a day full of conference calls and a tight deadline (for something I don't even have the right information for).

I’ve seen that where exercise used to be something I would do just to get or stay in shape physically, now it is more something that I need to do for myself and for my own mental health. The anxiety attack, I’m sure, was a result of trying to do too much at once, the project I’m working on (which is no longer aligned with my values), and also the fact that I haven't had as much time to go running lately.

When I can go every day or every other day, I can better handle stress when it comes. During my conference call, I stumbled on an interesting research article about the connection between regular exercise and decreased anxiety or depression.

Right now, I’m facing the complexities of competing priorities. My personal goals are somewhat in conflict with my professional life. I know, too, that the first thing I can do is to change my attitude. Quite honestly, it's been rotten lately. And, as like attracts like, that's not where I want to put my energy.

Back in time

To avoid the crowds at Seafair, my partner and I decided to go to Tacoma for the day. We were going to go to the Point Defiance Zoo and check out the glass museum. There has been so much change in the last 15 years. (Saying that makes me feel old!) Thanks to my bad directions, we got a little lost walking on trails near the five-mile loop. On the way back to the car, we found a trail that went down to a secluded beach. We would have stayed there longer, but the tide came in and was encroaching on the shore.

After walking along the Tacoma Waterfront (near Ruston way) and having ice cream, we took a detour by UPS. It was fun for me to return to places where so much change occurred in my life.

An Mien Wan (Peaceful Sleep)

Lisa gave me some herbs to help with my headaches. No, not that kind of herbs. She gave me Plum Flower Brand An Mien Wan, which tonifies qi (chi), nourishes yin (which is great for me), clears heat, and calms shen. Use for disturbed shen due to deficiency of qi in blood, with symptoms of insomnia, restlessness, palpitation, anxiety, and vivid uncomfortable dreaming. It's also useful for poor memory or concentration, clouded mind, headache, dizziness, or mental fatigue.

Polygala Root
Prepared Rehmannia Root
Oriental Arborvitae Seed
Platycodon Root
Jujube Seed
Tangerine Peel
Ophiopogon Root
Codonopsis Root
Licorice Root
Scrophularia Root
Dong Quai Root
Chinese Yam Rhizome
Anemone Altaica Rhizome
Bai-zhu Atractylodes Rhizome
Schisandra Fruit

The only ingredients I recognized were tangerine peels, licorice root, and yams. But it looks like the formula was made for me, at least after the accidents that I've had.

As its only downside, it makes me really sleepy...

Girls' night in

I'm taking care of the girls this weekend while Sunniva and Todd are in San Fran. Next to Koya, they are the sweetest dogs in the world. They are loved, too. And not by just me. Two other people are also coming over to walk them and feed them their home-made dog food of potatoes, veggies, and tofu.

Before I got Koya, Serie was my girl--or really my surrogate dog. She will always have a special place in my heart. As for Honey, she just wants to cuddle and is so full of love. And, both them are stars! This year they were featured in the 2006 Pit Bull Project Calendar. Sunniva and Todd were originally going to foster Honey for what was supposed to be a weekend and, as no surprise to me, they never gave her back.

Considering my experience this week, my horoscope is rather ironic…

You should think about raising your rates. Those of us who are born under the sign of Cancer the Crab are in a phase when it makes sense to acknowledge our accomplishments and make sure we're being compensated properly for them.

Funny.

Running with the Boys

I went for a short 3-mile run today with my two favorite boys. We took turns running with Koya, or should I say Koya took turns pulling us along the trail by Lake Washington. Seward Park was closed for emergency landing for the Blue Angels. It was a beautiful morning.

Later, during an interview, someone asked me, “Is that the Blue Angels I hear?” and went on to say how much he loved Seafair. I told him I couldn’t stand it. “That’s because you live there. Everyone else gets to just go and enjoy the weekend.” For me, Seafair means slow traffic, lots of noise, and half of the population of Seattle hanging out in my neighborhood.

Tenacity is when you follow your heart—when the whole world is screaming to get back into your head. –Sonia Choquette

Today, from Blessings, I found another passage that is fitting for the moment.

My Tenacity is a Powerful Engine for Good
I am blessed by my own tenacity. I contain an inner reservoir of gritty strength, which serves me and others well. My capacity to stick to a commitment is a safe and trustworthy component of my character. My tenacity is the building block for my successful career, relationship, family life, and friendships.

Obstacles test me but they do not deter me. I am able, always, to tap an inner resilient strength which serves me. Even when life is a desert, I find my careful way. Like a camel, I carry within myself stamina and the wisdom to use my energy wisely for the long trek. I am a creature of miraculous endurance. My will and my grounded passion form the basis for my tenacious movement through life. I bless my tenacity for its important, unsung heroism.

A good night for wine

Tonight is a night for a lot of wine...

The roles we play

I’ve spent all morning on conference calls. My battlecard, which was supposed to be focused on one industry vertical has now expanded to four. Aggghhh!!! While on the call, a friend e-mailed me and said, “MORE MONEY!!!!”

Going back and asking for more money, or asking for enough to begin with, is very difficult for me. I’m finding that life is presenting me with challenges that are right in line with my ‘learning edges’. Today, it’s about asking for what I want and need and not overfunctioning (or, let's be honest, at least minimizing how much I do).

It's funny, I'm aware that I have certain patterns of behavior, but after stating my intention to change old habits, I was quite embarrassed when a dear friend called me on overfunctioning the other day. And, I'm so thankful for it, and for being seen.

Studying last night with a couple of friends, we all laughed. "Now, why did we ask for this?"