Tonight after dinner with my dad and Nick, I went for a walk with Koya around Seward Park. My headache didn’t go away, but the fresh air helped clear my head a little. It’s been two weeks of headaches so bad that it’s been hard for me to function.

I'm thinking of going to see my neurologist, because I’ve also been dizzy quite a bit. He is the best doctor I've ever seen, but as a specialist who is the top in his field, he's also very expensive.

Mama don't take my Kodachrome away

I used to have an old Minolta 35mm camera that I took all around the world with me. It was heavy, but with it I took some great pictures--black and whites of children running along old beach roads in Madagascar, families bathing on the Makong. I even took a picture in India that got published on the cover of a small literary magazine. (I just happened to be in the right place at the right time).

Photography once gave me so much joy. I took a class in graduate school, and I remember spending more time in the photo lab than I did studying for any of my real classes. Even in Japan, my friend Stephanie nicknamed me the camera bandit, because no matter where we were, I would steal any camera within reach to try and catch those I was with off guard.

On the one day I wanted to take pictures more than any other—Sunniva’s wedding day—my camera broke. What horrible luck! It broke my heart in the smallest way. I don’t have any real photographic skill, but I think I've got a good eye. I see people very well and can capture them at the right moments. I would have loved to have been able to capture those moments for Sunniva and Todd. The whole camera ordeal is especially sad since Sunniva’s photographer didn't take any of the pictures she requested, like a picture of everyone in attendance or her and Todd's hands after exchanging rings.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about getting a digital camera so I can at least take pictures of moments I want to remember. I will always have a love for the older 35mm cameras (I love the sound they make when the shutter closes and how you can manipulate the depth of field), but for now I think immediacy and convenience win.



I took this picture the other day while fishing on the pier. (I almost got a ticket, because I was fooling around without a license). The light makes me want to pick up a camera (of my own) again.

My new neighbors

Left a watermelon and a bag full of peaches and tomatoes on my front doorstep from their trip to Yakima, apologizing for the excessive noise from their ongoing construction efforts. They have been working from 7 in the morning though the evening for the last couple of weeks, and my bedroom window and office are both on the side closest to the hammering and sawing. It's driving me nuts.

But, I figure if a bribe has to be involved, at least they picked a good one.

In the Gloaming

After class, which was fantastic today, I had some much needed downtime and got to go for an evening run through the park just after the sun had set.

Twilight has always been my favorite time of day. As a kid, I remember playing outside on what felt like endless summer nights. As I got older, it was feeling the air change against my skin. Most of all, I love the moment when the sun first drops below the horizon while the sky, still radiating, remains full of light.

I saw a movie many years ago called In the Gloaming about a man who returned home to his family when he was in the final stages of AIDS, in his own twilight. I don’t remember much about the movie other than how the cinematographer was able to capture the light I’m speaking of.

Yes, it's about endings. Yet, there is something about that time, how the light moves, that makes me feel at peace. Tonight, I watched as shades of orange faded into darkness, much like in the picture above. And with the wind dancing over the water, inside I felt calm.

I'm listening

I had to go to MSFT for a meeting today for a new project on Windows Mobile. There are few things I hate in this world. I don't even like to use the word. But I hate going there. It’s funny, since I decided to pursue what I feel is my real calling, I get offered so much freelance work for Microsoft. It reminds me of something I read in Sacred Contracts. We all have the prostitute as one of our basic archetypes. The question is where do we draw the line? For what do we prostitute ourselves and our values?

We all come into this world with "Sacred Contracts," according to bestselling author Caroline Myss. Some know it as a calling. Some see it as a life mission. "In short, a Sacred Contract is an agreement your soul makes before you are born," Myss explains. "You promise to do certain things for yourself, for others, and for divine purposes. Part of the Contract requires that you discover what you are meant to do." Herein lies the rub. Decoding our Sacred Contract requires us to become fluent in the language of symbols and archetypes so that we can interpret dreams, understand the meaning behind "coincidences," and learn to follow our intuition. This is why Myss (The Anatomy of the Spirit) offers an extensive lesson on helping readers recognize their personal archetypes (we have about 12 of them), such as the Avenger (righteous activists), Networker (journalists, messengers), or Prostitute (someone who "sells out" easily).

After our very painful meeting (it’s always the same meeting, no matter who the participants are or really what the subject matter is) Marc and I grabbed sushi. It was really nice. I haven't had a chance to talk to him in a while. I miss the close contact of sharing an office. And I miss the way he made me laugh (though mostly it was at myself).

On the way out of the restaurant, I saw a gigantic dragonfly. I had to ask myself what it meant. I think it was a (pretty huge) reminder that I am changing my life and that I won’t have to do this forever. For now, freelancing helps me to support myself while in school and lends me a great deal of flexibility. It’s just not what I’m meant to do long term. I think looking at this project and freelancing in general in such a way will help me from getting caught up in the drama and politics of it all.

I've got another migraine today. This time, I'm well aware of the signals my body is giving me.

Out of curiosity...

I got an estimate for how much the house is worth today.

The estimate I received from Zillow a couple of months ago left me feeling a bit discouraged. So, I was glad to see that the estimate from Prudential Northwest Realty was more in line with what I had originally thought based on appreciation rates of the area. I still don’t know how accurate the estimate is, as there was a $400,000 difference between the minimum and maximum value of similar properties in my neighborhood. But then again, I'm between Seward Park and the worst part of Rainier Valley.

It’s rather moot anyway. I’m committed to keeping the house for as long as I can, even while I’m in school and after I graduate. Somehow I will find a way. For starters, I could sell off Royce's rabbits...

Awakening Intuition

I walked up to Lisa’s door the other day with a book in my hand that I thought she should read. Before I even knocked, she opened the door, saw the book I'd brought, and said, “That's weird. I have a book for you, too”.

I love the book she gave me. It's called Awakening Intuition: Using Your Mind-Body Network for Insight and Healing. It’s fascinating to me, because it has a lot of information about neuroscience. But I also just like the way the author writes. The book is packed full of case studies and, unlike many books on related topics, is actually very well written.

Awakening Intuition explores the idea that learning to use intuition and understanding its connection with memories, dreams, and healing can strengthen your body against disease.

I don't think I've ever stumbled upon a book that had such relevance for what was going on in my life. Since I started reading it, I haven't wanted to stop. I happened to misplace it the other night and asked my very sweet, sarcastic boyfriend if he'd seen it.

“Which book?”
“That book I was reading on intuition and neurobiology.”
He just smiled.
"Why don’t you use your intuition to find it?”

Yes, I love the irony. Wouldn't it be nice if it actually worked that way?

Who bought all the fans?

I know it’s like Seattleites to complain when the weather gets above 70 outside, but this is ridiculous! I felt dizzy last night and couldn’t sleep.

The Mariners game was a lot of fun. Luckily, we had great seats in the shade. It was actually the first time I've felt comfortable in the last few days. The Mariners won by one point. Somehow, we were seated in the heart of the Red Sox fans, so it was pretty loud. All in all, it was a fun afternoon. Of course I think the beer helped.

We went searching for a fan last night and found that all of Seattle has sold out of its fans and air conditioners, because of the heat wave. After failed attempts at the larger stores, I went across the street to a small convenience store hoping (as a long shot) that the store would have at least small fans for sale.

No such luck. But then the manager was very sweet to me and offered to sell me one of the store’s old fans. I was so proud of myself. I know it’s silly, but I really wanted a fan—and asked for what I wanted. Unfortunately, after carrying the fan upstairs and cleaning it, we found that there was an electrical short and it didn’t work. I’m thinking maybe we can fix it. I'm crossing my fingers anyway.

This is not Texas!

I’ve been lazy about writing lately. I’m blaming it on the heat. I’ve been doing a lot of work in the yard, which has been tremendous fun. Today, I’m going to see the Mariners play the Red Sox in 95 degree weather. I’m going to have fun and try to have a good attitude about the heat. At least there will be hot dogs and nice cold beer.

Timing

I had a great study session with Anh and Lisa. We didn’t cover much class material, but our conversation left me feeling invigorated about things to come.

We did work on things to track for our conflict paper, with each of us taking several topics to focus on. Ironically, one of the things that I will be analyzing at the upcoming large group conflict observation has to do with something that I need to work on--Sitting in the Fire.

I no longer question the timing of the universe. More and more, I just have to smile and laugh when these "coincidences" happen.

Day three, week two

Every part of my body hurts. Muscles that I didn't even know I had hurt.

Driving home from class, Zia says to me, “I think the things that are challenging for me are not the same as the things that are challenging for you,” meaning that I may be able to run, but coming into direct contact (hitting or kicking someone) is far from easy for me. Tonight our instructor talked about working outside of our comfort zone--of learning to be aggressive when that may feel very foreign to many of us.

Even though tonight's class was a great workout, I thought our previous classes were much more difficult. That’s because this class was more aerobic and the last two classes focused more on strength. (I’m the shortest and probably the least physically strong in our class—at least where my arms are concerned. Let me use my legs and I’m fine).

We had to do an exercise today where we were supposed to pull our partners around on the floor by one leg and they were supposed to kick themselves free. I couldn’t pull my partner, as she weighed a lot more than I do. Our instructor, who weighs maybe 100 lbs, came and pulled her across the floor, making it look absolutely effortless.

Training makes me humble. I like that. And, honestly, I like the fact that it is difficult and each goal is just slightly out of reach; each lesson pushes you just a little more out of your comfort zone.

It’s like life that way. It never stops. You just have to learn to move faster. To be flexible. And to know how to deliver a punch if you have to.

Reading the landscape

I got back from Portland (and the post-STP celebration) late last night and have been catching up on work since, with the exception of taking some time to stroll through Kabota Gardens this morning with B. I love that place—and really enjoyed seeing the Japanese landscaping and all of the flowers in full bloom.

After visiting the Classical Chinese Garden in Chinatown yesterday, I have a renewed fascination with all things Asian.

While there, we stopped at a small tea house overlooking the lake (aptly named the Tower of Cosmic Reflections) and had a lunch of daikon salad, steamed buns, turnip cakes, and lychee. The tea house had the best Jasmine tea I’ve had outside of China. I wanted to buy some to bring home, but it was sold out. Fortunately, I found out that you can order it through the Tao of Tea online.

I also picked up my expedited passport this afternoon and am now free to flee the country.

Seward Park

I’m going for a short run at Seward Park with Koya. I haven’t spent a lot of time with him lately and our early morning runs are my way of making it up to him.

The Complete Book of Women’s Running recommends finding new trails to run on often. It's true that my running routine is rather predictable, as I seldom go elsewhere, but the beauty there is amazing. One of the things that sets Seward Park apart from the rest is that it contains the largest stand of old-growth forest in Seattle.

It may not be the best for training, but it works for me. And I love seeing all the wildlife. The Friends of Seward Park runs a great Web site with lots of information about the park's history, geology, and animal inhabitants.

“Through this fist art one gains long life and happiness.”

I had my first kajukenbo class last night and, as a result, I’m really sore today. I think it will be tough on my back and knee, but with accommodation, I’m determined to make it. According to the Seven Star Web site, “ Kajukenbo is generally more open to modification to suit a person's strengths or limitations than many traditional martial arts.”

That being said, the first class was harder than I anticipated. In the first 15 minutes, I was out of breath. Our instructor Jordon taught us a little about self defense, as well as a few stances, punches, and kicks.

We start each class with a brief meditation. It’s not as long as the meditation Cheryl leads us in at the beginning of each day of module, but in a way it's more peaceful.

We also learned how to salute each other, which we do before we fight with anyone. The salute is a combination of the sign for power and the sign for peace. Together, it means respect, as in “let’s practice this kung fu thing in peace,” as Jordon says. All kidding aside, the true motto for kajukenbo is “Through this fist art one gains long life and happiness.”

MEANING OF KAJUKENBO:
The word KaJuKenBo is derived from the letters for the styles that contributed to the creation of the art. Together they make up the Kajukenbo motto.

KA - (Long Life) This comes from the word Karate. An art form that emphasized on hard and powerful teqniques. The karate influence was from Tang Soo Do brought by P.Y.Y. Choo.

JU - (Happiness) This comes from Judo and Jujitsu. Art forms that empasize grappling, throws, locks and sweeps. The judo and jujitsu influence was from Kodenkan Danzan Ryu brought by Joe Holck and Se Keino Ryu brought by Frank Ordonez.

KEN - (Fist) This comes from Kenpo. An art form of karate that emphasizes multiple and fluid hand techniques through hard and powerful movements. The kenpo influence was from Kosho Shorei Kenpo brought by Adriano Emperado.

BO - (Style) This comes from Chinese and American boxing. The art of Chinese boxing (Kung Fu), emphasizes on flexability and agility parrying and evasive movements that flow together. The Chinese boxing influence was from Northern and Southern Sil-lum styles brought by Clarence Chang.

The last few days have been a whirlwind. I spent Saturday night at Serafina’s with a small group of dear friends. We had an amazing dinner outside on the terrace. Decorated with white lights and candles, the restaurant had the feeling of a cozy cafe in a small Tuscan town. It was the perfect summer evening and one of the best birthday celebrations that I can remember. Plus, there was good red wine and great food involved. With everyone laughing and having fun, I felt surrounded by love.

It was a wonderful evening and left me feeling truly blessed.

On my actual birthday, I woke up kind of early and went for a walk by myself. It was my way of greeting another year. I stopped at the Macrina Bakery, had a cup of coffee, and wrote about things I hope to come. After a nice breakfast, I went for a long run along Elliott Bay. It was such a beautiful day! I could see Mt. Rainier, the Olympics, and the Cascades and could feel a cool breeze coming off the water.

In the afternoon, Blaise and I went kayaking on Lake Washington. We kayaked to Madison Park, which was about 6 miles. It was the first time Blaise tried a single kayak. It was a lot of fun to see him go though the Montlake Cut, navigating the waves from all the boats. He did great! We had planned to go through the arboretum on our return trip, but my lower back was starting to hurt and we were pushing the 6:00 cut-off time, so decided to come back another day when we could take our time and enjoy the scenery more.

After returning the boats, we had fish tacos and margaritas at Agua Verde overlooking the water. Kayaking was a fabulous way to spend the day—in the late afternoon sun, on the water. And, it was a nice start to what I expect will be an incredible year.

All day long, people went out of their way to make things nice for me. Strangers told us about hidden parking spots, the paddle shop gave us a discount on the boats, and even the staff at Macrina gave me a birthday discount.

As an added treat, the moon was large in the sky last night. We stopped by Martha Washington Park and saw it dancing over the water. It loooked full to me, but actually won't be full until this evening.

My horoscope today

My friend Joe turned me on to astro.com (Astrodienst) a couple of years ago. Even if you don’t believe much in astrology, I’d encourage you to check it out. For the personalized readings, you need to enter in your birth date information, including time of day and birth location. Astrodienst is a small Swiss company and has been developing horoscopes for more than 20 years.

Holiday!
***
Happy birthday! Today the Sun returns to the position it was in when you were born. As would seem appropriate with this transit, today is a day of new beginnings, and the influences you feel today will affect the entire year to come. However, this does not mean that the whole year will be disappointing if today doesn't work out exactly as planned. You are receiving a new impulse from the energy center within you, as symbolized by the Sun. Therefore any new venture that you start at this time will ride the crest of this new energy and will very likely come to an acceptable conclusion. Whatever you do or begin today will bear the stamp of your individuality more than anything else. This is the day to assert yourself anew.

A night at Serafina's

I’m excited. Tonight, a small group of friends and I are going to Serafina’s for an early birthday dinner. (Sunniva works at Harborview on Sundays, so we are having diner tonight). Aside from the years I spent in Japan, Sunniva has celebrated every one of my birthdays since I was 22 with me, and I couldn’t imagine not having her there. She is my family.

The last time I went to Serafina’s was more than 10 years ago, ironically for Dila’s birthday. I was rifling through my closet, trying to get organized, and I found some old pictures. We all look so young.

"This moment, this second, is all that matters."

Yesterday was a big day for me. Having lunch with Zia at Café Flora, I decided not to go to Europe. It’s just too expensive for me right now.

At the same time, I decided to sign up for the beginner’s series at Seven Star Women’s Kung Fu, and will have the option of taking the Skills Intensive at LIOS if I am around then. I’m still committed to going away for a while, as it may be the only time I can until my internship is over.

I went to art walk last night and saw some really interesting work. I loved the Glasshouse Studio and the Stonington Gallery, which has a large collection of Native American artwork from the Pacific Northwest and Alaska. My favorite piece was a beautiful, carved canoe paddle that sold for $8,000.

I also had a short tango lesson in pioneer square, where the instructor moved me gracefully from one position to the next. “Tango is just like life,” he said. “It’s all about being here. Right now."

"And here. And here. Not there. Just here.”

“Trust yourself. This moment, this second, is all that matters."

A year of yes

I’m going for another early run this morning. I’m turning 33 in just a few days and had wanted to be in the best shape of my life, but given the time I don’t think that’s possible. (Nothing can compare to trekking through the Himalayas from dawn to dusk while being allergic to anti-malaria medicine and not being able to eat very much at all for weeks at a time—It’s definitely not a healthy way to loose weight, but hiking in the high altitude and gaining thousands of feet in elevation every day did wonders for my fitness in the end.) However, I still want to be in the best shape I can. And, actually, just hiking a few days in a row was good for me and makes me want to keep up the momentum.

I’m anticipating 33 will be a great year. First of all, 3 is my favorite number. And, indulge me for a minute, my birthday is on the 9th, which is my life path number. I’m also excited, because I will be going into a 6 personal year, leaving behind the crazy energy that has been my life this past year.

I had asked my friend Lisa to do acupuncture on me, but with all the change in my life she said that she wanted to wait so that "things wouldn't come out sideways." I think the coming year will be much more stable and grounding—given my personality, that could also make me a little crazy...

The world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting

A year or so ago, a dear friend read me a few lines from Wild Geese by Mary Oliver. Now, it is one of my favorites.

Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

MARY OLIVER
Dream Work

Life is made of small moments

After our late-night walk at Seward Park, Zia—I have to love her—said, “I want to say something, but I don’t have to if you don’t want me to.” But I couldn't walk away with that.

She then proceeded to beat me aside the head with a stick, metaphorically speaking. She talked to me about accountability and the difference in saying "I can’t do something" and "I choose not to do something".

I think she had a wonderful example of me not having the time to keep up with my gardenting. I do have the time, I just would rather study or go for a walk. My grass is long and overgrown, simply because I don’t make it a priority.

When I first bought Blessings, I was not very excited about the book. I couldn’t choose between it and another by the same author called Transitions. However, it seems that when I really need to hear something, I can just open Blessings and, more frequently than not, the perfect message is there for me.

“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.”
-Seneca

“With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.”
-Kevin Nair

The Universe Funds Me With Power and Protection
“I am a power to be reckoned with. I salute my capacity to act. My choices and decisions, my attitudes and actions, shape the world in which I live…There is no moment in which I cannot make a positive contribution…As I pour forth positive energy, I change the world. Life is made of small moments that have a large impact.”

The wonders of technology

Aaagggh! I’m having Internet trouble again. My wireless access keeps cutting out every 45 seconds or so. It makes me realize how much I rely on my computer and take it working for granted.

I bought a new iPod yesterday, because mine got damaged when I fell into the water on my last hike. I can’t wait to download iTunes and go for a run.

When I was at the Apple store, I didn’t want to wait in the long line and was about to leave. Then the sales clerk told me that he could check me out using a small hand-held device. I was impressed. The wonders of technology! That is, of course, when it works.

Pronoia Therapy for Beginners

In relation to my last post, I had to share this excerpt from Pronoia Therapy for Beginners, as it made me laugh harder than I have in a while. Enjoy.

"The primary meaning of the word healing is 'to cure what's diseased or broken.' Medical practitioners focus on sick people. Psychotherapists wrestle with their clients' traumas and neuroses. Philanthropists donate their money, and social workers contribute their time to helping the underprivileged. I am in awe of them all. The level of one's spiritual enlightenment, I believe, is more accurately measured by helping people in need than by meditation skills or mastery of religious doctrine. But I also believe in a second kind of healing which is largely unrecognized: to supercharge what is already healthy; to lift up what's merely sufficient to a state of sublime blessing."

Here is a list of 13 (simple?) things to do to build upon existing health. This strategy seems to have a lot of parallels to both appreciative inquiry and solution-focused therapy in that it looks at what's working, instead of what's not. I just liked it because it's witty.

1. During an intense half-hour rant, complain and whine about everything that pains you. Get a sympathetic listener to be your receptacle if possible, or simply deliver your blast straight into the mirror. Having emptied all your psychic toxins in one neat ritual spew, you'll be able to luxuriate in rosy moods and relaxed visions for a while.

2. Locate or create a symbol of your own pain. Mail it to us at the Angst Incineration Crew, P.O. Box 150628, San Rafael, CA 94915, USA. We will then conduct a sacred ritual of purification during which we will burn that symbol to ash. While this may not banish your suffering entirely, it will provide a substantial amelioration which you will be able to feel the benefits of within a month.

3. Eat a pinch of dirt while affirming that you are ready to kill off one of your outworn shticks -- some idea or formula that has worked for you in the past but has now become a parody of itself.

4. Using crayons, paints, scissors, glue, collage materials or any other materials, create a piece of large-denomination paper money, good for making a payment on your karmic debt.

5. Kick your own ass 22 times.

6. Brag about yourself nonstop for 10 minutes. Record it so you can listen back to it later.

7. Perform a senseless act of altruism, for instance by giving an anonymous gift or providing some beauty or healing to a person who cannot do you any favors in return.

8. Deliver a concentrated stream of praise about someone, either to that person herself or to anyone who will listen. Extra credit: Force yourself to think a kind and loving thought about someone you don't like or from whom you feel alienated.

9. Conjure up an imaginary friend and have an intimate conversation with him and her for at least 15 minutes.

10. Build an altar devoted to beauty, truth, and love in one of the ugliest places you know.

11. With a companion, watch a blank TV while making up a pronoiac story featuring plot twists that are rife with happiness, redemption, and good times -- yet not boring. You may either speak this tale aloud or write it down.

12. Compose and perform a ceremony in which you get married to yourself.

13. While making love, imagine that your physical pleasure is a carrier wave for a spiritual blessing which you beam in the direction of some person you know who needs a supercharged boost.

The more accidental, the more true.

I was fooling around on the Internet, which I don’t do often, when I stumbled on something interesting. (I find the Internet is great for finding specific information, but I’ve never enjoyed “surfing” aimlessly).

Rob Brezskny, the author of Free Will Astrology has a new book out: Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. Frances Lefkowitz reviewed the book and had this to say: "This irreverent manifesto puts the 'pro' in 'protest' ... insightful and puzzling as a Zen koan ... I Ching on Ecstasy...."

I have a very dear friend who is obsessed with—no, adores—the sociobiologist Edward O. Wilson. He is very interested in genetics and evolution, and often teases me about my interest in metaphysics. Personally, I don’t think the two camps have to be in opposition.

In a discussion of his new book, Rob Brezskny cites Edward O.Wilson. It was great for me to see these two things overlapping—hard core science and an appreciation of things that can not be measured or necessarily even seen. The following is an introduction to Rob Brezskny’s book.

The Science of the Invisible
"Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going?" Biologist E.O. Wilson says that philosophers long ago stopped addressing these questions, believing them to be unanswerable. Scientists stepped forward to fill the vacuum, and now act as supreme arbiters of the mysteries that were once the province of philosophers.

I'm saddened by the loss. The scientific method is a tremendous tool for understanding the world, but most scientists refuse to use it to study phenomena that can't be repeated under controlled conditions and that can't be explained by current models of reality. I think it's impossible to explore the Big Three Questions without taking into account all that elusive, enigmatic, unrepeatable stuff. The more accidental, the more true.

I can at least hope the scientists won't object if the Beauty and Truth Laboratory borrows their disciplined objectivity and incisive reasoning to explore areas they regard as off-limits.

Two groups that may not mind are the astronomers and astrophysicists. More than other scientists, they've been compelled to develop an intimate relationship with invisible realms. In fact, they've come to a conclusion that's eerily similar to the assessment of shamans and mystics from virtually every culture throughout history: Most of reality is hidden from our five senses.

"Ninety-six percent of the universe is stuff we've never seen," cosmologist Michael Turner told Geoff Brumfiel in the March 13, 2003 issue of the journal *Nature.* To be exact, the cosmos is 23 percent dark matter and 73 percent dark energy, both of which are missing. All the stars and planets and moons and asteroids and comets and nebulas and gas clouds together comprise the visible four percent.

So where is the other 96 percent? No one knows. It's not only concealed from humans, it's imperceptible to the instruments humans have devised, and its whereabouts can't be predicted by any existing theories.

Mioposto

Instead of running like I planned, I walked around 6 miles from Seward Park to Mioposto along Lake Washington Blvd.

It's nice to have a place in the neighborhood that's perfect for the summer--open-air seating, great pizza and salads, and ice-cold beer. And, Mioposto is dog friendly, so I can take Koya with me.

The name Mioposto means “my place" in Italian. The name fits very well with the restaurant's warm, casual atmosphere. I just hope that it stays in business.

Over the years, I've never seen an owner stay for more than a year. Past tragedies of the same location include Baker's Beach Cafe (two or three different owners), The Rose Club, and Mikonos, which had fantastic potato pancakes and was a great place for brunch. (I miss going there on Sat. mornings).

This time, though, Mioposto is managed by the same company that runs the 5 Spot and Coastal Kitchen, so I'm hoping they will fare better :).

I had bruschetta and wrote for a while in the early evening sun.

Wisdom from the Tao Te Ching

If you want to become whole,
let yourself be partial.

If you want to become straight,
let yourself be crooked.

If you want to become full,
let yourself be empty.

If you want to be reborn,
let yourself die.

If you want to be given everything,
give up everything.

It's not only what we do

It's not only what we do but also what we do not do for which we are accountable.
- Moliere

Wanderlust

I’ve been contemplating going away for part of July or August, as I have not been outside of the United States since 2001, which is very unusual for me.

I’m starting to have a bad case of wanderlust. Not to mention the fact that I will need to start my internship in September and will have little free time to take off for a few weeks (anything less doesn't seem right).

I’ve been thinking about South America or Asia. Out of the blue, a close friend of mine called me yesterday and left me a strange message.

“Want to go to Europe with me in July? You don’t have to say anything. Just think about it…”

It seems so much like something I'd do. Just decide one day to fly to another country. Actually, I guess I have done that a lot in the past to the dismay of my family and friends, once without telling anyone my flight information.

I’m a little sad that I need to get a new passport. I so loved my old one. It was absolutely full with stamps from all over the world, visa extensions, and re-entry forms. I even had to add more pages a couple of years ago, because there was not even space for one more stamp. I loved carrying the history of all the places I’ve been with me and I loved its old, worn feel.

Alas, I guess it's time to start a new book. For Asia. Or Ireland. Or wherever the wind takes me.

Generations of women teaching women

It was great to watch Sunniva test for her orange belt yesterday. She was amazing. While I was there, several members of Seven Star Women's Kung Fu tried to recruit me. I really liked a lot of what I saw, though it seemed more aggressive than I would have imagined. Kajukembo is a combination of Karate (ka) Jujutsu and Judo (ju), Kenpo (ken), and Chinese boxing (bo).

I don't have experience in any of these arts, but I have done Kendo when I stayed in Korea; I remember the exhilaration of getting up before dawn to practice while the air was still cold. (That's saying something for Korea in August). I liked the combination of exercise and spirituality.

If my injuries allow, I think I could greatly benefit from Kajukenbo training; it could provide discipline, a way of meditation, mental focus, release of anxiety, and would give me tools to defend myself.

“In the martial arts, physical and spiritual development are interconnected. Coordinating body, mind, and spirit in training can be a pathway to self discovery. In time it becomes clear that the opponent is within and can be met and overcome by confronting the obstacles encountered during training.” Sifu Michelle McVadon

Three days at Goat Lake

Blaise and I have a sort of ritual. After each week that I have class, we have been going on short day hikes. This time around, we were a little more adventurous and spent three days backpacking through Mt. Rainier National Park.

On the first day of the trip, Blaise and I left Seattle rather late and so did not get to the Round Pass trailhead until around 6:00 or so. We did stop along the way to look for bear spray, but couldn't find any. :(

The first four miles of the trail to Lake George were actually part of a forest service road that was closed due to washouts. As a result, we had to cross quite a few large streams. We had not even gone a mile when I fell into a stream and everything got wet, including my shoes and what was in my pack. I was frustrated at myself and was not enjoying the hike as much as I could.

From that moment on, I decided that I would have a great time. And I did. It was such a fun trip.

We got to Lake George at around 8:30 that night and set up camp. Unfortunately, I only brought a very thin sleeping bag with me and it got so cold at night that I couldn't sleep. Once the temperature rose in the morning, I was able to sleep for a few hours, enough to keep me going.

In the morning, we had a great breakfast and had the luxury of having real coffee. We ended up hiking until the early evening, taking a trip first up to Gobblers Knob, which had some of the most amazing views I've ever seen. Next to hiking through the Rhododendrons forests of Nepal, the hike to Gobblers Knob was the most spectacular I've done in a long while. There were magnificent views of Mt. Rainier, Mt. Hood, and the Olympics.

We then descended around 1,000 feet to Goat Lake. We decided to take a chance and go for a swim. The water was freezing cold, but it was refreshing and a nice break from the warm afternoon sun. (That's me in the water).

Hiking back up from Goat Lake was tough, but it took a lot less time than I thought it would. We were back at Lake George by sunset. We tried to catch a fish and did not have any luck. According to a review I read about Lake George, "It appears to be a fairly pristine mountain lake, and apparently also supports brook trout, though from what I could tell they appear to be finicky eaters."

We cooked a delicious dinner with the food we had packed and went to bed just after dark. The next day, we hiked down the remainder of the trail in an hour and 45 min.

When we got back to the car, it was absolutely covered in mud.

The trip was a lot of fun, though it was sort of a trial run. Now, we know what else we need for a longer trip. (Like warm sleeping bags, lighter food, and Tevas!).

More pictures from Carbon Glacier

While the picture function is working in blogger, I wanted to add some more pictures from a previous hike in Mt. Rainier National Park.

The first part of my recent hike to Goat Lake looked a lot like the hike to Carbon Glacier.

Both trails ran along washed out river beds scattered with rocks and through dense evergreen forests.




I think the reason the trails were similar in nature is that both are at relatively the same altitudes, just on opposite sides of Mt. Rainier.

What a glorious day!

What a glorious day. This morning Sunniva tests for her first belt in Kajukenbo and it’s Lisa’s birthday.

My wishes for a fabulous day are with both of you.

Send me a sign

I was reading my friend Diane's blog, where she happened to mention Free Will Astrology (which I love, btw, but didn't know could be found outside of The Stranger). According to Rob Brezsny, the stars had something in store for me.

In 1982 I moved into a new home in Santa Cruz. It was just a funky old cottage that had once been a barn, but I was ecstatic to have it. As I opened the front door to begin my first day there, a violet-crowned hummingbird bolted inside in front of me, stayed for a few minutes, then departed. I regarded its visit as a phenomenally good omen, and it turned out to be just that. During my years in that house, I wrote my first book, recorded my first music album, fell in love with the woman I married, and conceived my daughter. Almost exactly 24 years later, I'm meditating on your horoscope as I sit in my current abode. "Send me a sign," I just said to the gods. "What's in the works for Cancerians?" Now a violet-crowned hummingbird is dancing exuberantly in front of my window, peering in, lingering a long time. I take it to mean you're at the beginning of a great opening.

This message touched me in a profound way. On my list of things to write about was an experience I had at Seward Park recently (which is a very magical place for me). I asked for a sign. I was given so many that it would have been impossible not to notice. I came to a realization that I was already starting the process of making changes that I wanted to.

At the exact moment that I said this out loud, a huge dragonfly came and flew right in front of my face. I stood there and watched it, knowing it was a sign. I had not seen a dragonfly since I was a child. A second later, 5-6 dragonflies swarmed around me. I stood still and just watched them in awe.

I continued walking and saw a squirrel climbing a tree. At first, the squirrel looked scared, like he might run away (as squirrels tend to do once they are seen). But he just sat there, looking at me for a minute and then scurried away. I kept walking. By this time, it was too much for me to dismiss. I knew it meant something.

I walked further down the pathway and I saw two sparrows sitting in the middle of the pathway. Again, the birds just looked at me and dind't fly away.

Next, I saw a heron perched on its pole. (Usually, at Seward Park I might see one animal--never this many, and I saw them all within just a few moments of each other). I walked to the end of the loop where my car was parked and decided to sit down and write about what had just transpired. I was surrounded by geese, which I didn’t think anything of, as there are always geese playing at the edge of the water.

As soon as I finished writing and picked up my pen, a butterfly flew directly in front of me, hovered for a second, and flew away.

How’s that for acknowledgement that I’m at the” beginning of a great opening?”