I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day

We got out of class a little early, and, as always following module, I’m completely exhausted.

It’s interesting, I’ve been so in the midst of change, that I don’t think I’ve realized how much I’ve done in the past few months. One person after another kept coming up to me saying that they saw something different about me, a lightness in my eyes, more confidence—that there was just a brightness that was not visible in the same way before. It’s nice to know that some of the work I’ve done can be seen on the outside.

We started our curriculum for the Systems Counseling track and practiced sitting in the therapist's chair for the first time. My God was that an awakening! 15 minutes felt like a lifetime. I can't imagine an hour. We had cases about death and families with real problems--a paraplegic son, a depressed daughter, and an alcoholic father--or others with molestation or abuse (this was our very first time practicing).

I took some big risks, too. Today, I challenged one of my professors. And though it angered her and left me unsure of how it will affect my evaluation, I am confident that it’s a clear sign I’m growing, that I'm finding out the answer to whether or not I can disappoint another to be true to myself.

And now that I’m back, with a long list of things that need to be done, and knowledge of just how much I need to study before my ABS oral exams, I can step back and look at the past few days as an incredible gift. In many ways, this module was easier than others. I’m getting used to the 12-14 hour days (as much as you can). But Module 6 also challenged me in a new way.

A friend of a friend and former LIOS graduate described the program as one of the most beautiful and difficult things he’s ever done. I’d say that has been my experience as well. I knew it would challenge me on a personal level, but as my friend Lisa said the other day, “I knew it would be hard, but I had no fucking idea.”

With each new layer, each new challenge (even the ones that seem insurmountable at the time), and the continued deepening of awareness, I can feel my world changing, expanding in ways I could not have imagined. And there is movement in my life, as opposed to motion.