Rainy Sunday

Today was a day for rest. Luna and I took a lovely walk in the rain. Then, later in the evening--God knows why--I watched Two Weeks, which I rented a few days ago. It made me sad in a way I have not felt in a while. Parts of the movie reminded me so much of the time before my mom died. Watching it, I had tears streaming down my face. B. walked in and asked what was wrong and was I o.k. "Not really."

I wish he could have met her. I know that he would have absolutely loved my mom--and she would have adored him.

The movie is only one way in which I have been flooded with memories lately. But it asks a good question, "What are the moments that define your life?"

Books, books, and more books

Today is the Friends of the Library book sale. I'm very excited. Last Spring B. and I both left with bags full of books. Most books were either $1 or $1.50 and there were some amazing finds. I got a lot of cook books and books on psychology that will be of great value in my practice. B. found some great fiction and several books on evolution.

We have both been so busy lately that it will be fun to go and walk around and just spend a leisurely Saturday together.

Full moon

Did you see the full moon last night? It was amazing. I have been looking for candles for a while for the office (and home). A friend of mine has a link to Zena Moon Candles on her blog and I ended up buying a few yesterday and got free shipping because it was the day of the full moon. :)

I ordered Radiance, because the Marianne Williamson poem has captured my biggest lesson in the past few years (and current lesson still), Faith, and a Writing candle for B., so that he will be inspired to put his but in the chair every day.

Radiance
"We ask ourselves, who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing
small does not serve the world."
—Marianne Williamson

Faith
"When you come to the edge of
all that you know and are about to
step into the unknown, faith is knowing
one of two things will happen:
There will be something to stand on,
or you will be taught how to fly."

Writing
"The art of writing is the art of
applying the seat of the pants
to the seat of the chair."
—Mary Heaton Vorse

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Wow. I came home tonight and B. had cooked dinner (from scratch--actually cutting things up like onions, bell peppers, and garlic). I was amazed by that alone. And then he showed me the Web site he made for me today. I love this man more than words.

The content still needs to be worked out, but I'm so excited. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Joy

Finally, I have a minute to catch my breath and celebrate. I passed both parts of my clinical orals on Friday. It felt good and for reasons I don't wish to go into here, it was also bittersweet. Now, though I'm in a place where I can really celebrate what it means to have passed both and done really well.

I then spent Fri., Sat., and Sun. participating in a Family Constellation Workshop. I'm not sure I got what I had intended in going to the workshop, but in many ways I got a lot more. I learned a lot about myself--and the power of my intuition and ability to help others, which comes at the right time in my journey. I'm feeling so much more confident about who I am as a person and about how I am working with my clients.

I also got to go to a beautiful wedding on Saturday and had time for a little bit of dancing at the reception.

All around, I am excited about what's before me. I'm trying to just slow down and enjoy each moment as much as I can.

Celebration

There are days that counseling makes me feel absolutely alive. Every session I had today flew by. When you are there, fully present, there is nothing else like it in the world. I'm so thankful to do this work.

A non recipie for Barszcz

So, my friend Jen said that maybe I should include the recipe for Barszcz. Therein lies the problem. In Poland, each family has its own unique recipe. B.’s aunt and his mother make it completely differently, even having grown up with the same recipe. And Polish Borsch is very different than Russian Borsch. When I went to the Polish store, the lady behind the counter (guessing I wasn’t Polish) asked if I was making it to drink or eat with a spoon. The version that I’ve had is the type that you drink. It’s very invigorating.

I’ve seen B.’s mom make it twice now: once for Christmas and once at Easter. I think the one she made at Christmas was more traditional. When she visited at Easter, she showed me how to make a “quick version” of Borsch, using store-bought beetroot concentrate, vegetable broth, and misc. spices. Howeer, even her "quick version " was not that easy--and she isn't big on written recopies. Altough she and I cooked it together, there was so much going on that day that I was not able to write down all that she did.

Since then, I’ve made it from instant Polish Borsch mixes a few times, adding in a few of the key spices I was shown (allspice, peppercorns, Majeranek. I think the last one is Marjoram, but I’m not sure). When I made it last time, I started by making a large soup pan full of vegetable broth, made from a loaf of dehydrated vegetables bought at the Polish store. After straining the broth and discarding the vegetables, I added a bottle of beet concentrate, two packets of instant Borsch seasoning (I wanted to make enough to last several days), seven or eight allspice corns, salt, pepper, one beef bullion cube, a large pinch of Majeranek, and a couple cloves of diced fresh garlic. I did a lot of tasting and adding spices here and there and cooked it over low/medium heat for about an hour. (You don’t want to boil Borsch, because it causes the soup to lose some of its beautiful color). That was my make-shift recipe.

B. and I are flying to Nashville soon, as his niece is being baptized and B. has been asked to be the Godfather (an honor I’m sure makes him a little nervous and makes him feel loved at the same time). I think there will be a fair amount of traditional food at the celebration. I’m planning on getting the real Borsh recipe (the kind that takes more than a couple hours to make) so that I can make it from scratch on my own.

I'll add it to the blog then.

Making borsch

With clinical orals on Friday, I have been spending all of my free time studying. Yesterday my study plans fell through and I spent the entire day doing fun, nourishing things for myself--and didn't study a lick. I went for a walk in the early morning and then again late in the afternoon. It was beautiful, stormy, and crisp; you could feel that fall is approaching. It is my favorite time of year. There is something magical about how everything changes. I have been especially enjoying the wind lately when outside. Inside, it's getting a bit cold, as we are waiting to turn on the heat and wrapping up in sweaters and drinking lots of tea to stay warm.

Because of the weather yesterday, I had a strong desire to make borsch. I stopped at a little Polish deli that B.'s mom took me to when she was here for Easter and then spent part of the afternoon cooking. It turned out great, but it always tastes much better the next day after the spices have settled. It's something to look forward to when I go home tonight.

Couples counseling

I just got an e-mail from the first couple I saw letting me know how they are doing. It filled me with so much joy. They will always have a special place in my heart; because they taught me so much about myself.

I am a little surprised at how much I am enjoying working with couples. The other day, my supervisor asked if I would like to do some co-therapy couples counseling with her, which also made me feel good--like maybe this is a good direction for me. There is so much depth and good work that can be done when it comes to matters of our most intimate relationships.

The dance of relationship

Wow. Today has been a learning experience for me. After asking our receptionist about the policy regarding animals where I am interning, I allowed my client to bring her dog into the office despite my better judgment. When I told my client that I needed to ask about the policy first, she let me know that her previous therapist (at the same location) allowed her to bring her dog into session. Midway through the session, the dog started to bark like crazy and all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. I soon learned that having animals in the building is a violation of our insurance policy. What a way to start the afternoon…

Seriously, today has offered me a lot to learn from. It has also shown me ways in which I have grown as a therapist and a person. Somehow I have managed to help one of my clients get in touch with her anger. Right now, much of that anger is directed right at me. And I’m sitting with mixed feelings because of it. I’m not very comfortable with upsetting others or with disappointing them—and I’m really not comfortable with them being angry in response to me.

In the past, I have been very accommodating. [As a side note, I find it interesting that according to Bowen, the person who is most accommodating in a family is usually always the one who becomes symptomatic of what is happening in the environment. Increased accommodation = greater possibility for illness and distress].


When I started my internship, I would resist challenging my clients in ways that made them go to difficult places. I have gotten a lot better at this and slowly am becoming more direct in my interventions. In my recent counseling theory paper, one of my professors—the one who sees me work with clients most—encouraged me to explore the difference between pain and damage and hurt and harm. Because I have seen power drastically misused, I am wary of doing anything that causes intense emotion/reaction in others. However, in being highly aware and responsive to how others are feeling, I can rob others of a sense of responsibility for their own actions and emotions.

Since hearing my professor's feedback, which is shared by other colleagues and faculty I admire, I have wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone and challenge others more without being organized around their response.

Now, not only am I challenging my client and able to sit in a very intense emotional field, but I’m actually working in a way that increases the emotional intensity. It’s a new experience for me. And, honestly, it feels more than a bit awkward. What’s also new is that it tells me in a very strong way that I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing—and am doing very good work.

Today I’ve had a few lessons about boundaries—about give and take and how people do the dance of relationship with each other. Today has felt like a rotten day for many reasons. But part of me is also thankful that I am in this new place and learning how to be different in relationship. It amazes me sometimes, the universe has a peculiar sort of magic in the way that it offers us lessons.

Adventure Sports

I just found out about my type of mini triathlon event--an adventure race series that involves hiking/running, biking, and kayaking. There is a race in the beginning of Sept. Unfortunately, you have to have lots of equipment, including a mountain bike and your own kayak, plus a first aid kid, a space blanket, a tire pump, a spare, and all sorts of misc. gear, which I have none of....:(

Maybe next year. The thing is the race is about my level--and it would be beautiful (located on Whidbey Island).