The dance of relationship
Wow. Today has been a learning experience for me. After asking our receptionist about the policy regarding animals where I am interning, I allowed my client to bring her dog into the office despite my better judgment. When I told my client that I needed to ask about the policy first, she let me know that her previous therapist (at the same location) allowed her to bring her dog into session. Midway through the session, the dog started to bark like crazy and all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. I soon learned that having animals in the building is a violation of our insurance policy. What a way to start the afternoon…
Seriously, today has offered me a lot to learn from. It has also shown me ways in which I have grown as a therapist and a person. Somehow I have managed to help one of my clients get in touch with her anger. Right now, much of that anger is directed right at me. And I’m sitting with mixed feelings because of it. I’m not very comfortable with upsetting others or with disappointing them—and I’m really not comfortable with them being angry in response to me.
In the past, I have been very accommodating. [As a side note, I find it interesting that according to Bowen, the person who is most accommodating in a family is usually always the one who becomes symptomatic of what is happening in the environment. Increased accommodation = greater possibility for illness and distress].
When I started my internship, I would resist challenging my clients in ways that made them go to difficult places. I have gotten a lot better at this and slowly am becoming more direct in my interventions. In my recent counseling theory paper, one of my professors—the one who sees me work with clients most—encouraged me to explore the difference between pain and damage and hurt and harm. Because I have seen power drastically misused, I am wary of doing anything that causes intense emotion/reaction in others. However, in being highly aware and responsive to how others are feeling, I can rob others of a sense of responsibility for their own actions and emotions.
Since hearing my professor's feedback, which is shared by other colleagues and faculty I admire, I have wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone and challenge others more without being organized around their response.
Now, not only am I challenging my client and able to sit in a very intense emotional field, but I’m actually working in a way that increases the emotional intensity. It’s a new experience for me. And, honestly, it feels more than a bit awkward. What’s also new is that it tells me in a very strong way that I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing—and am doing very good work.
Today I’ve had a few lessons about boundaries—about give and take and how people do the dance of relationship with each other. Today has felt like a rotten day for many reasons. But part of me is also thankful that I am in this new place and learning how to be different in relationship. It amazes me sometimes, the universe has a peculiar sort of magic in the way that it offers us lessons.
Seriously, today has offered me a lot to learn from. It has also shown me ways in which I have grown as a therapist and a person. Somehow I have managed to help one of my clients get in touch with her anger. Right now, much of that anger is directed right at me. And I’m sitting with mixed feelings because of it. I’m not very comfortable with upsetting others or with disappointing them—and I’m really not comfortable with them being angry in response to me.
In the past, I have been very accommodating. [As a side note, I find it interesting that according to Bowen, the person who is most accommodating in a family is usually always the one who becomes symptomatic of what is happening in the environment. Increased accommodation = greater possibility for illness and distress].
When I started my internship, I would resist challenging my clients in ways that made them go to difficult places. I have gotten a lot better at this and slowly am becoming more direct in my interventions. In my recent counseling theory paper, one of my professors—the one who sees me work with clients most—encouraged me to explore the difference between pain and damage and hurt and harm. Because I have seen power drastically misused, I am wary of doing anything that causes intense emotion/reaction in others. However, in being highly aware and responsive to how others are feeling, I can rob others of a sense of responsibility for their own actions and emotions.
Since hearing my professor's feedback, which is shared by other colleagues and faculty I admire, I have wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone and challenge others more without being organized around their response.
Now, not only am I challenging my client and able to sit in a very intense emotional field, but I’m actually working in a way that increases the emotional intensity. It’s a new experience for me. And, honestly, it feels more than a bit awkward. What’s also new is that it tells me in a very strong way that I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing—and am doing very good work.
Today I’ve had a few lessons about boundaries—about give and take and how people do the dance of relationship with each other. Today has felt like a rotten day for many reasons. But part of me is also thankful that I am in this new place and learning how to be different in relationship. It amazes me sometimes, the universe has a peculiar sort of magic in the way that it offers us lessons.
posted by Elizabeth at 9:19 PM
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