The Ocean

I'm so excited. B. just made reservations for Ocean Shores for us to get away this weekend. It will be so much fun--and we are taking the dogs so they can play on the beach. I'm afraid my car will never be clean after this.

I'm really struggling with my Epistemology paper. What do I know for sure? That the universe is always changing--that life is full of unexpected adventures and detours? That we all are exactly where we need to be? All I know at this moment is that it's hard for me to say what one core truths is.

I love the feeling of Luna laying on my lap. That I know for sure. :)

A lesson in biology

While B. took the dogs for a run this morning, I went for a run by myself at Seward Park. When I finished, Lance Armstrong’s voice came through the earphones. “Congratulations, you've just set a new record for your personal best mile.” It was 10 minutes something. The audio comments from Nike+ are a bit cheesy, but I like things like that.

I meant to write my Epistemology paper today, which—to my detriment?—is not due until Friday. However, I found out my stylist had an opening this afternoon, so decided to get my hair cut. She asked how school was going. “Good. I have a paper I need to write today.” She just started laughing. “You’ve got a paper to write, so you’re getting your haircut? I perfectly understand.”

It felt good that she laughed at the difficulty I have being me. If it’s not something that I can change anytime soon, I might as well embrace it and laugh at the fact that’s just the way I work. We did have a very good conversation about how people can inherit knowledge, values, and beliefs, which I think will help me when I sit down to write my paper.

I love my haircut! Roxanne did a fabulous job (she always does--she's got a real gift). It’s sassy, playful, and makes me feel more confident. (Let’s hope that lasts…). Afterwards, I felt great. B. and I met downtown for drinks and then decided to go play a couple of games at GameWorks.

We played a Harley Davidson game, where you "ride" an actual motorcycle. It was a bit too realistic. I was reminded just how much my biology has been affected by the series of car accidents I've been in. Playing this silly game—and crashing numerous times—was enough to give me a pretty severe anxiety attack. From a freaking video game!!! You’ve got to be kidding! B. laughed a little and smiled at me sweetly. I sat back and watched while he used the remainder of our tokens. At least he knows that the anxiety is something that is very real for me and causes a physical response. He saw it. And he was very understanding in getting us home and trying to help me relax a bit. Thank you my sweet.

The adventures of Explorer Dog

I found a really cool resource for all the dog lovers out there. Yeah for the human who decided to share the Adventures of Explorer Dog with the world. Koya and Luna thank you.

Sounds of Valley Streams

I spent the morning calculating my hours for my internship and then we set out to find the perfect bicycle. There is one I like a lot, but it’s a little more than I want to spend. I thought maybe I’d find a bike and we’d try out another one of the trails on the King County Trail Map. Unfortunately, we didn’t have any luck.

But, it was 60+ outside—way too nice to stay inside. We got the dogs in the car and headed to Cougar Mountain. Because the sun was out, it was much nicer than the last time we went. We followed Coal Creek for much of the way, which made it a tranquil hike. The dogs had a blast. So did we—except for the fact that I got a blister. I think the hike was a bit much for Luna (3.46 mi), because she seemed to get really tired and was sick on the way home.

It took us a while to get back for a couple of reasons. I guess there was an overturned semi (scary!) on I-90, which had traffic moving at a snail’s pace. We decided to take 405 and back track through Renton. Right before we got on the freeway, however, two police cars cut across traffic to pull someone over. The incident was a little out of control. One of the police officers even brandished his gun.

On a positive note, to kill time before facing the traffic, we stopped by The Great Harvest Bread Company and sampled some of their famous Cinnamon Chip bread. It was so good that we decided to bring a loaf home. I found out that the company also offers a few wonderful sounding recipes.

The title of this entry comes from a book I read several years ago that left a lasting impression on me--Sounds of Valley Streams. It's based on Zen Buddhist philosophy. The subject has been on my mind a lot lately, especially after reading Bowen's thoughts on differentiation and my own efforts to be less reactive.

A stop along the lake

We are at the Mercer Island Community Center waiting to pick up registration for the half marathon tomorrow. This place is amazing. It's huge, with a view of the water, a piano, pool tables, a book/video library, a fireplace, and a reading room. Why don't we have a place like this in Seattle? Why are there less resources for the people who really need them? I'm thinking of how this could help out in Rainier Valley, but there just are not tax dollars to support such a project.

Still, this place is amazing...

From my horoscope

What's useful is not always derived from what's good. Are there essentials you benefit from even though their origins are problematical?

This is such an appropriate question in relation to what I'm learning about myself as a counselor and as a human being.

Raindrops keep falling on my head

I’ve been in a slump lately, and I don't really have a reason why. To cheer myself up, I decided to accompany B. on another long run. Since visiting the Snoqualmie Valley Trail last week, we decided to try out another regional trail that was closer to home.

Neither of us got much out of the bike expo we attended a couple of weeks ago, but it was well worth it to find out about all of the wonderful trails that are nearby.

This time we went to Soos Creek, which is about 20 minutes south of Seattle. It was pouring down when we left. We both hoped that the rain would let up by the time we got to the trail head. No such luck. I brought a bunch of books with me and was going to bail if it kept raining. But the dogs were with us and were very excited, so I decided to make a go of it. I intended to run 5 miles, pushing myself just a little bit out of my comfort zone. (Granted, this was not a good idea last week, but 5 miles is not really overdoing it). I figure if I push myself a little from time to time, then I will be able to increase my endurance—and my metabolism.

I thought the trail was beautiful. (B. didn't agree with me). It was relatively serene--probably due to the weather--and went though fields of cattails and beautiful wetlands. Much of the trail was lined with fiery red bushes, patches of skunk cabbage (which looked like yellow lilies to me), cherry trees in full bloom, and flowering dogwood trees.

It was nice, but after an hour and 40 minutes of being in the cold, I was very happy to go home. I ended up running for the first 2-3 miles and then walking the rest of the way. With all the rain, I had a hard time motivating myself to run. (My shoes were soaking wet and giving me blisters). Unfortunately, my Nike+ iPod device started having problems yesterday after it got smashed against the pavement when the dogs took off after B., so I didn't get all the data from today's run.

Last night I discovered how to upload my run data to the Nike+ Web site and found out that you can trace your route by drawing over Google Maps. Here is the route from Seward Park yesterday (the best that I could draw, anyway). I'm hoping that the device will still be of some use.

The good news is that recording my activity (pace, distance, etc.) has helped me stay motivated. I've gone running/walking six out of seven days this past week and have logged a lot of miles.

Jay Haley is hilarious!

A Quiz for Young Therapists - By Jay Haley
(The answers are very funny at times. I'm not saying I agree with him, but you have to give it to anyone with such a sense of humor. He reminds me of my professors, who when answering an important question relpy with a beautiful non-answer, such as, "Well, yes, it's a both/and.")

1) Should a therapist think of himself, or herself, as a skillful technician or as a humanist and philosopher?
2) In relation to being a successful therapist, what are the differences between psychiatrists, social workers, and psychologists?
3) Is the goal of therapy to change people to become members of special elites or to change them to be normal like other people?
4) Should a therapist join in the madness of others or remain outside their universe?
5) Should the therapist work swiftly or leisurely?
6) Will reflecting upon himself, or herself, improve the results of a therapist?
7) When one thinks of therapy as poetry, does a skillful therapist write sonnets or free verse?
8) Will a therapist be more successful if he is curious about life's complexity or if he is single minded in his focus upon his goals?
9) Name two ideologies that handicap a therapist.
10) Should a therapist insist upon change?
11) Is it unethical to adopt the theory that change is slow and difficult and every patient must come to therapy several hours a week for many years?
12) Will a therapist be more successful if he is humble?
13) Should the therapist be a serious person?
14) What is therapy?
15) Is it true that therapy in the past consisted of someone offering an unformulated problem to a therapist unable to specify a goal who was working with an irrelevant theory in an ambiguous style to achieve an immeasurable outcome?

Click here for the answers! (to download a pdf file)

Even your hair looks mad

For some unknown reason, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. After awhile, B. looked at me as if he was going to ask me what was wrong. “I don’t know why I’m in a bad mood. I just am.”

He laughed and walked into the kitchen. “Even your hair looks mad.”

The thing is when someone makes you laugh when you are enjoying being a grumpy fool, then you lose all your energy. Still, I have to say, I love that he can make me laugh at the oddest moments.

I went for a 2.7 mile run around Seward Park. It was cold but nice, with a clear view of the mountains. I feel much better now and am going to try and approach my paper as an opportunity—not a chore. After I get into writing, I usually enjoy it.

Come to think of it, B.'s strange remark is in line with some of the wacky tactics of MRI or Strategic therapy (also known as brief therapy). Maybe he should be the therapist...but I think if he had to listen to other people's problems all day long, it would make him crazy.

Standing Still

I had lunch with Lisa this afternoon. It was so great to see her and just have an hour to laugh and play.

I did a "live" session earlier today and it went really well. My supervisor said I did a beautiful job. I was a little releived that three of the students in my supervision group were actually at module (they belong to a different class at LIOS) and so not many people were watching.

Although the feedback from my supervisor was really good (and mostly positive), the most significant piece of feedback came from one of my colleagues who is a LIOS grad. She said that I rushed in to soothe the client's pain. That is a big challenge for me.

A dear friend of mine commented that the fact my heart goes out to people who are wounded and hurting is wonderful and will never, ever go away. It is an integral part of who I am in this world. I actually don’t want it to go away. But, I have to stop wanting to save people; I have to be able to be o.k. with others being in pain. It is in their sitting with the pain and working through it that enables them to move forward. I want to learn to hold both—to be nurturing, loving, giving, and to challenge my clients and others I care about to find the answers within themselves.

Later, I found how difficult holding both can be when a young girl came in who had recently lost her mother. Talk about being triggered. I think I made every mistake in the book and wanted to comfort her so badly.

I have to remember that we get clients who are perfect for our own learning. I have a feeling this one will teach me a lot about how to be nurturing--nurturing in a way that supports her and does not deprive her of the opportunity to develop resiliency and become stronger through her experience with grief.

A mini marathon for me

I’m seriously in pain. I wanted to help support B. in preparing for the upcoming Boston Marathon. He was supposed to run 20+ miles today, and I thought he’d get bored doing the same run he does all the time in our neighborhood. I suggested we drive to the Snoqualmie Valley and take a trail that runs through rural farmland. The Snoqualmie Valley Trail follows an abandoned railroad line with scenic views of the Cascades and streams along the way. It's known for the fact that it crosses several bridges and trestles. I found the trail on the King County Trail Map we got last weekend.

We both ran in the same direction, but B. took off ahead of me. I thought I’d see him around the third mile, as he was going to run five miles in one direction, turn around, stop back at the car to have some water and an energy bar, run five miles on the trail in the other direction, and then turn around and come back for a total of 20 miles. Needless to say, he’s a lot faster than me. :)

My plan was to do a short run (30-45 min.) and then hang out and get some reading done. By mile four, I started to wonder where he was. Plus, there were a couple of strange looking people on the trail. I finally met B. at close to mile five and should have turned around then, but I was so close to running five miles that I wanted to keep going . (Usually, I run around three miles).

When B. and I went to the bike expo over the weekend, we tried out these amazing scales from Tanita that calculated not just your weight but your body mass index, level of hydration, bone mass, muscle mass, and metabolic age. I found out that I was dehydrated and had a metabolic age of someone much older than I am! According to the makers of the scale: "If your Basal Metabolic Age is higher than your actual age, it is an indication that you need to improve your metabolic rate. Increased exercise will build healthy muscle tissue, which will improve your metabolic age."

So, I was determined to run five miles. And I did. I had also run about .6 of a mile before I started my Nike+iPod device. I was going to walk the rest of the way back to the car where we had planned to meet at around 2:00. But then I thought about the time. If I walked back, B. would likely get there at least 30-40 minutes before me and did not have a key. I knew he would be really cold, because of the time and amount he had exerted himself.

So, I walked for a little bit and ran the rest of the way back (around 3 miles). By the time I started running, I was getting blisters and felt nauseous from the amount I had already done. I made it back to the car before B., but arrived feeling horrible. After eating some greasy diner food, taking a hot bath, and then taking a short nap, I still feel worn out.

I’m very proud of what I did. It’s the most I’ve run at any single time. Though it may not be impressive to many, it was a big feat for me. Now I know I can push myself, but will plan better next time and ease into doing another long run.

Distance: ~11 miles (8 mile run, 3 mile walk)
Time: 2.70 hours
Total Calories: 1193

A bicycle built for two...

Today B. and I went to the Group Health International Bicycle Expo at Magnuson Park. It was a great idea, I thought. I've been looking for a new bike, as the one I have now is too big for me and there is usually always something B. needs for his bike. But it turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of bike excursion and retail sales reps. B. said that the best part of the event was the Polish sausage we shared for lunch. That’s not too good, considering it cost $8 per person to enter.

I did see a few bicycles that I liked. Unfortunately, most were outrageously expensive. I swear many of the bikes cost more than my first or second cars! One of my favorites was from Co-motion. (I love companies who actually use clever names and marketing. Sadly, few do). The one I liked was a very light-weight tandem bicycle, which cost around $5,000! Who spends that kind of money on a bicycle?

Before we left, I did see one from Raleigh that was much more affordable. It's kind of cute, isn't it?

A new take on project365

I just came across a very cool blog inspired by the project365 photoblogs such as snapshots and Parts-n-Pieces. However, this one uses images formed from words, which is write up my alley.

The only problem is I'm a little late in the game. My plan: a word a week (or whenever I can find the time).

One breathe at a time

I’ve spent the day catching up on paperwork at the office. Sometimes, I feel very lucky not to be at an agency. Other times, I feel like I’m left to my own devices—sink or swim. Hopefully, that means that I will become a really good swimmer.

The next few weeks will be a whirlwind. I’ve got 5 papers due: a case study write up for Pro-Sem, a presentation for a "live" therapy session and write up for the reflecting team, an epistemology paper, an internship assessment, and a paper on MRI/Strategic family therapy.

Then B.’s parents are coming to visit Easter weekend (which means I need to paint and really clean) and the week after I will have module (by which time I need to asess all of my classmates). I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. One breath at a time. That's what I have to remember. Just take the next best step.

B.’s cousin, who I really like, is flying in tonight and leaving Tuesday, so I don’t think I’ll be able to get much done this weekend. I’m planning on having a lot of fun though and might even go skiing if the weather improves. Nick might come, too depending on the weather. I wonder though, is that too much family?

I got to talk to him today, and it was so good to laugh with him--to have jokes that have a history of a lifetime. Sometimes big brothers are more than a pain in the ass. :) Today, I'm very thankful for mine.

Happy April--no that's not right--March!

It's [almost] spring and it's snowing? I love holding this paradox.