Before you speak

Is it true?

Is it kind?

Is it necessary?

On the office wall...

May today there be peace within.
May you trust your higher power that you are exactly where you are meant to be...
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you...
May you be content knowing you are a child of God...
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance...
It is there for each and every one of you.

~A prayer of St. Theresa

I needed this today. It's been a tough one. I feel a little lost and have to remember that this place, right now, is exactly where I am meant to be.

Home again

I'm back from module and am slowly recovering. I slept for more than ten hours last night. I learned so much this module, many things which came as surprises.

1) Many of the stories I've held about myself may no longer be true (they still have the tips of their claws in me).
2) In the past, I kept waiting to cross a certain threshold and this module I realized that I have already crossed it.
3) In just bringing myself forward, I am enough.

It was so nice to come home. Koya even missed me. And B. bought me flowers for the first time (my favorite color roses--how did he know?). Needless to say, I felt very loved.

There is a reason they call him Einstein

"I think the most important question facing humanity is, 'Is the universe a friendly place?' This is the first and most basic question all people must answer for themselves."

An afternoon of beading

With school, families, internships, and crazy schedules, my friends from school and I seldom have time to get together and relax. We decided to meet today--a few days before module--and bead lanyards to hold our name tags. We made some as gifts for a few people who could not come due to work or celebration of the Chinese New Year.

It's funny in looking at the different lanyards, you can easily see the differences in everyone's personalities. Lisa's is a little crazy and very bold, harnessing the power of the double dragon (which has to be said very fast and in a loud whisper). Mine uses much smaller beads and antique turquoise that I found in a small shop in Port Townsend when B. and I went there recently. (There is even a small piece that looks remarkably like a globe--No one else will ever notice it, but I'll get joy out of knowing it's there).

I think the people who couldn't make it today will be pleasantly surprised with what we made--especially Christina when she finds hidden daisies in hers! (You should have seen the expression on the woman's face who was helping us at Ben Franklin when we told her we wanted to find beads for someone who was a Harley girl). Daisies? Well, let's hope Christina sees the humor in it. After all, they are hidden.

Travel to mythical lands

Yesterday was perhaps the nicest day we've had all year. At the last minute, B. and I decided to go to Yakima. I had seen some beautiful wineries featured in Seattle Magazine a while back and it was the perfect day for a long drive. Our exploration of wineries in Yakima turned out to be a bust as we did not find any real wineries there--just a couple of small wine stores. I think the best wineries in the area are actually about an hour or two outside of Yakima in the Rattlesnake Hills (further on US 12).
However, we had a great time and saw some amazing sights on the way. In the warm afternoon sun, there was a lot of mist rising from a frozen lake just past Snoqualmie Pass. Driving through areas of dense fog, it looked like a mythical land. Aside from the dogs being mad at us when we got back, it was a great trip.

Missing treasures

I have to say that I have been very grateful the last couple of days.

I was extremely grateful yesterday morning. After I had searched for it for more than 7 months, B. finally found my missing Patagonia fleece. I'm so glad to have it back. Yes, it's a little worn, and I don't think I can ever get all of the dog hair off, but I love it all the same. It's my favorite jacket, just warm enough to take running, lightweight, and perfect for hiking.

Thank you!

Love Blooms (or does the wind pry away the flower's leaves?)

This is simply titled "Love Blooms."

I think that this statement is beautiful and true. I also know that shedding the outside leaves for the flower to bloom must be a little painful at times.

I was talking with a dear friend of mine from school today and we spoke about all the changes in our lives, all that we are learning from. Each relationship we have at school, what happens with our families, all the difficult situations that seem to come out of nowhere--they all are learning situations. Life is full of learning situations at the moment

We laughed that even when it's difficult, both of us want to learn, we want to grow. Then why does it have to be so damn difficult?

I smiled to myself and thought, that's why they call what we are going through, "growing pains."

Happy Anniversary Baby, I got you on my mind

B. and I met two years ago today. When I think about all that has transpired in the last two years, I’m amazed. We have gone through a lot together—and also a lot on our own.

Our relationship has changed over time. I remember once that he described our relationship as combustible. Although this may still be true at times, our love is softer now.

In the spirit of our anniversary, I made a list of some of the things that I appreciate about him. I was surprised that at the top of the list there were several small things that stood out strongly in my mind—how he comes to kiss me when I come home at night, that he sometimes puts his hand on my leg when we are driving, how peaceful it feels to fall asleep next to him. These are the things that are precious to me.

As we are together longer—and as we both get older—we find joy in different activities. When we first met, I think we went out a lot more. Now, a perfect date is having a meal at home and then reading together or playing Scrabble. I’m noticing that instead of gifts and big celebrations, it’s the little everyday things that sustain and nurture our relationship. It’s making a cup of tea, finding a water bottle for the other person to take to work, or finding a way to show your love without ever needing to say the words.

Being a writer though, I have always been touched by words. One day, I was browsing through Fireworks and I came across this poem. It captures how I feel...

I read once that the
ancient Egyptians had
fifty words for sand
and the Eskimos had a
hundred words for
snow.

I wish I had
a thousand words
for love.

But all that comes
to mind is the way
you move against me
while you sleep.

And there are no words for that.

Port Townsend

Because I had to leave from my internship, we didn't get to the ferry in time for the 4:40 ferry and had to wait for a while. The view was nice as the sun was setting, so neither of us minded.
On Friday night, we checked in about 8:00 and then went into town for a little bit of fun. We had some great clam chowder and a couple of drinks at Sirens. While there, we played an interesting game called Reminiscing. (I thought it would be appropriate as we were approaching our anniversary and would be doing a lot of reminiscing in the days to come).

The game, although a little difficult to understand, was a lot of fun. I ended up doing much better with questions from the 1940s and 50s than from the decades I actually lived through. (I sucked at all questions related to the 90s).

In the morning, we had an amazing breakfast at the B&B. It was seriously the best french toast I've ever had. (It was coated in almonds and cranberries, which made the outside nice and crunchy). On our way out of town, we saw a few deer leisurely walking through the streets and wished that we had more time to stop and take pictures.

We got to the meditation retreat just before it started (the directions were a bit difficult to understand). We were there until late Saturday afternoon (more on the retreat later). When we got back, both of us were exhausted and so took a short nap before we went out to dinner at The Fountain. Our dinner was incredible and the atmosphere was warm and inviting as always.

Afterwards, we went back "home" and hung out with the other guests in the hotel parlor, enjoying a warm fire and hot chocolate with homemade marshmallows. (The owner of the Holly Hill House is an incredible cook).

On Sunday, we left the retreat a couple of hours early and were able to walk around a little in the historic part of PT. We stopped for fish and chips at the Public House and then took a nice walk through Fort Worden Park. The picture here is from Bliss Point.

Starting again

Kung fu was much better tonight. It was taught by Sifu, Michelle McVedon. I was surprised to see some of my old classmates from the beginner’s series. My back is in a lot of pain, but I feel so much better about coming back now. Sifu is a great teacher and went over a lot of the basic material that we had learned before to make me feel more at ease. I’m glad it worked out.

A little weekend getaway

I’m so excited! We are going to Port Townsend (my favorite town in WA), for an Amma meditation retreat and to celebrate our two-year anniversary.

“Meditation increases your vitality and strengthens your intelligence; your beauty is enhanced; your mental clarity and health improve. You acquire the patience and fortitude to face any problem in life. So, meditate! Only through meditation will you find the treasure you are seeking.”
-- Amma.

We just booked a room at a small B&B, which looks really nice. The only thing is we have to leave for the meditation course very early in the morning and may not be able to sit and have breakfast with the other guests. Other things on the agenda: dinner at The Fountain on Sat., live jazz at Sirens Friday night, and strolling through all the little galleries. I can't wait.

I've got back to back clients on Frday, so it will be a crazy rush to get to the ferry.

My horoscope this week--I love Free Will Astrology!

Happy Valentine Daze, Cancerian! I sing a sly WOW toward the sky and murmur a resonant YOW toward the earth in rowdy reverent gratitude for the wonders that come your way from the special people in your life. I send out a special YAYA and GAGA to that Mysterious Other who has the power to challenge you, teach you, confound you, inspire you, and love you almost as well as you love yourself. Long may your story unfold in all of its enigmatic glory! Long may you liberate each other from your suffering!

Time to go?

Class tonight was hard. I’ve forgotten almost everything--all of the forms, the stances, the kicks, the punches. I guess I’ve been away for close to 6 months. There was someone there tonight who was in my beginner’s class and she had already earned her orange belt! (She was a black belt in karate before she started kajikempo, but it’s still pretty amazing).

Tonight, I felt stupid. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. And it seemed even worse, because tonight's class was a mixture of all levels: orange, purple, blue, and black. I’m trying not to let it get to me and trying not to be so discouraged.

Honestly, right now, part of me feels like giving up and just running more. I'm trying to remember how much I enjoyed it--and that it will all come back with a little practice. I hope so, anyways.

What a smile!

I was lucky enough to catch Koa smiling and laughing on Sunday. He gives new meaning to the word adorable.

Cold misty morning, hot Jasmine tea

I don’t have much time to write today, because I’m leaving for kung fu in a few minutes. Iwanted to post a couple of pictures from our trip to Cougar Mountain yesterday. I ended up running about four miles and walking another two. Along the way, B. left arrows for me made out of sticks, so that I could find my way, which I thought was very sweet. :)

I didn't make it as far as I had intended, because the trails were very muddy and there were quite a few hills and valleys. It was beautiful though. The trees were covered with moss and parts of the trail ran alongside Coal Creek. I felt like I was in another land, especially as it was a misty foggy morning and I enjoyed the time roaming the woods by myself.

Afterwards, we stopped to have lunch at I love Pho in Bellevue. "It’s good Pho you!” With some hot jasmine tea to warm us up and then delicious soup with lots of vegetables, it was the perfect place to stop. We found out that the owners of I Love Pho are on a mission. I found this on their Web site:

Our purpose is to introduce everyone to “Pho” (pronounced like “fuh”), which is a delightful soup that is aromatic, flavorful but light all at the same time. Pho as defined is a clever way to provide daily nourishment. "A healthy one-bowl meal for your breakfast, lunch or dinner simply anytime of the day..."
It all began in Vietnam when the country was divided into north and south. The North Vietnamese desperately scrambled to find ways to fulfill their hopes and dreams of a better life. So, with their staple food in mind, they began to serve Pho. The popularity spread quickly and Pho soon became Vietnam's national food.

There really is no right or wrong way to eat Pho. The preparation in itself is enough to define what gourmet cooking is all about. Pho is made with wholesome natural ingredients which brings a delicious and consistent taste each and every-time you eat it. When served, our Pho comes with a side dish of bean sprouts, lime, chili pepper and basil. Every bowl of Pho can be made different and unique to accommodate your taste buds.

By the time we got home, it was close to four and I was very, very tired (it must have been from running in the cold air). I did a few hours of reading for school—although, technically, I’m reading a book that’s not scheduled until Module 6 or 7. Then, we had a nice dinner of sautéed spinach and roasted pork stuffed with apricots and prunes, watched Clerks II, and tried to go to bed early.

The book I'm reading--Getting the Love You Want--is actually very interesting (I was surprised, can you tell?) and I wanted to get further into it before next week when I will be working with clients who are coming in for couples counseling.

The Letter W

After seeing Zia's post on the letter "A," I wrote to Literate Kitten and requested a letter. (I asked Zia, too, but she is in Jordan... and I couldn't wait to play). I was bequeathed the letter "W". Here are 10 things I like that start with "W".

Wisteria—I don’t like the word as much as I like seeing the flowers in the springtime. I remember when I lived in Japan, where it’s called Fuji, how my mood would brighten every time I saw Wisteria. It smells heavenly! Plus, I like the sound of it as it rolls off your tongue.
Water—I love most everything that has do with water. Waterfalls, oceans, lakes, rivers, rain. I am most at peace when I’m on or near the water. In the last few years, I’ve developed a passion for kayaking. And then there are long, luxurious baths that can always make me feel just a little bit better. Lately, I’ve also been fascinated by the work of Dr. Emoto and The Hidden Messages in Water. "The messages from water are telling us to look inside ourselves," he says. If blessing water can change its structure, then imagine how positive thoughts can affect us when our bodies are roughly 60 percent water.
Whimsical—When I’m my better self, this is how I would like to think about my personality. Not flighty, not irresponsible, just...whimsical. The word sounds magical to me.
Willow—There is nothing like hearing the wind rush through Willow trees. There is a simple beauty to it.
Warmth—When I think of warmth, I think about how it feels to snuggle with the man I love on a cold, rainy day or the joy of having Luna come gently rest her head on my lap. Holding her, it's as if warmth is an emotion.
Windsor knot—When I was a child, I remember my dad letting me “help” him with his tie when we were getting ready to go to church. My dad seemed to know everything about knots—and I thought he was brilliant.
Weaving—Though I don’t weave (I don’t even knit), I love all things woven. I could fill my house with handmade tapestries from around the world. I also love weaving when it is used as a metaphor.
Walking—Some people walk, because they are unable to run. Not me. I love to walk, anytime, anywhere. There’s almost nothing I enjoy more than going on walks and taking in all that’s around me. I do some of my best thinking on my walks. I do some of my best writing, too. My favorite is doing a loop around Seward Park.
Waterproof—It’s not so much that I like things that are waterproof, but that I like what they enable me to do: go hiking in the rain, go skiing and not worry about how many times I will fall, go kayaking after the weather has turned cold. Gortex, polypropolene, it doen't matter—as long as it lets me play in the Pacific Northwest.
Wishful—I asked B. why he liked the word wishful (it was already on my list). He replied, “It’s good.” That’s my answer, that I guess it is good to be wishful, to imagine a better world, to have something seem so clear that it almost comes within reach. I recently reread Ask and It Is Given, and have been working on asking the universe for what I want. I think to live with intentionality, being wishful is par for the course.

If you'd like to play, leave me a comment and I'll pick a letter for you.

L is for Lunatic!

B. was going to do an 8-mile run yesterday as part of his training schedule, so I took both dogs for a walk around Seward Park. It was a beautiful misty morning. I found out though that Luna is short for Lunatic! Now that she’s on antibiotics for her suture infection, she’s FULL of energy. Walking both of the dogs was quite difficult, especially when the two of them pulled me in different directions! (I almost lost a couple of fingers caught in the leashes).

Today B. needs to run 16 miles. (I can’t fathom how he does it—I can barely run four). We are going to go to Cougar Mountain and I’ll walk around while he makes a 16-mile course out of several of the short trails. I feel bad, but I think I need to leave the dogs at home. Two hours is too long for Luna to be exercising while her wound is healing.

I almost forgot, my brother, dad, and I went out yesterday for a belated birthday celebration for my dad. He jsut turned 63. I hope he has many more wonderful years ahead of him.

I also escaped from the house while B. was watching the superbowl yesterday and got to see little Koa. He's also getting older—and bigger!

My so called life

I am such a dork sometimes. I was in such a mad rush to leave for my internship this morning that I sent my professor several e-mail messages with the wrong versions of my Structural and Narrative Therapy papers (wrong meaning there were little mistakes throughout that I had not caught and would cringe knowing were left unfixed). Luckily, one of my clients cancelled this morning and I was able to send my professor the right versions. I just hope she opens that message first—not the other three.

I remember B. asking me this morning if I was finished yet--a question he had asked me about 20 times yesterday and a few times earlier this morning. I shouted, “NO!” through the door to the other room, because I was not going to get up from the computer. He shouted back, “I think you are spending too much time and are being a perfectionist.” I believe he secretly likes teasing me about it, because I made the mistake of telling him that one of my professors had said the same thing to me once.

I also think he gets a kick out of seeing me so completely focused, where I have somewhat of a "single-track mind" for brief periods of time, because I believe he sees me as very different in my daily life. I joked about it with him, and he said that it is rather funny, because it’s one extreme or the other…

Such is the story of my life. That is, until I choose to rewrite it and change my relationship with procrastination and perfectionism...