Maggie May

I find the song, and the woman behind it, incredibly sad.

A fish, a lake, a mountain (Tuesday 9/26)

Driving back to Seattle, we decided to take a short trip to the Mt. St. Helens Visitor Center, which was 5 miles from I-5. With just a little coaxing, B. agreed to stop by Silver Lake to walk around for a bit. We stumbled upon a cute little hotel that caters to fishermen with an amazing view of the lake. As it was almost dark, we decided to stay the night and drive to the Johnston Ridge Observatory the next day. Sadly, because I needed to do work on a project, we didn’t have time to go fishing in the morning.

Once we got to the top, we took a very short hike (3/4 mile) along a rather steep ridge to the observatory. We were only at 4,500 feet, but with no railings, the trail was a little dangerous. Still, the view was amazing.

Aren't they cute?

Order among chaos

The next four days were somewhat of a blur. We camped at South Beach State Park for the rest of the time. It was nice to stay in one place for a while, not having to worry about taking down the tent or checking out by a certain time. Here's a few highlights:

We stopped in historic old town Newport for dinner at the Rogue Ale House. The beer was rather disappointing after hearing how great it was from several people along the way.

On Friday, we biked through South Beach State Park and went to the actual Rogue Brewery, where we sampled some amazing beers served on bottle trays carved out of wood. Despite my low tolerance for alcohol, my favorites were the Old Crustacean Barleywine (10.5%) and the Chocolate Stout (6.3%). The brewery had great food, too: muscles, clam chowder, and homemade bread. (By the way, the Latin sign says something along the lines of: You're overeducated if you can read this).

On the way back, we stopped at the Hatfield Marine Science Center and got to see a baby octopus and touch all sorts of marine life. In the middle of the center, there was a large exhibit on chaos theory and dynamic systems. I thought, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I’m on vacation in a small little town and I can’t get away from systems theory for a minute. Maybe that's the point; it's everywhere; it's all around us.

Where did the sun go? (Wed. 9/20)

The hotel was so nice after camping, we decided to stay another day. After a brief jaunt to Depoe Bay for whale watching and a stop at the Sea Hag (I love the name) for lunch, we spent most of the day inside listening to the ocean and watching the late-afternoon storm.

Or at least that was my distraction when I was writing my conflict paper. I sent it off at 2:00 in the morning, glad to finally have it out of the way and for our real vacation to begin.

First, a stop for cheese (Tuesday, 9/19)

It took a while to take down everything in the morning, but we managed to make a small breakfast and then go for a run along the beach. There seemed to be an abundance of kelp, which I think was the cause for the strange green foam along the shore.

We had lunch at the Tillamook Cheese Factory. I had wanted to get some to ship to both of our parents, but a small “loaf” would have cost $63 to send. So, selfishly, we just bought cheese for ourselves. It was some of the best cheddar cheese I’ve had. Days later, we bought the same medium cheddar cheese in a grocery store and it just wasn’t the same.

Wanting a break from camping, we decided to stay at the Nordic Oceanfront Inn in Lincoln City. Our room was great; we could literally step outside of the window and be on the beach. After playing in the tidepools, we went to the local brewpub for fish and chips. (I'm a new fan of Halibut). The sad part was that in such a cute little town, the "pub" was in a strip mall.

A rainy day at the beach (Monday, 9/18)

I wish that we had Internet access more while we were away. I had an amazing time; each day was filled with a new adventure, great seafood (usually accompanied by local beer) and of course time to play on the beach.

We left Seattle on the 18th and drove down 101 to reach Cape Lookout State Park, where we camped just feet from the ocean. The ranger told us that it was the only park in Oregon that was on the beach. Later, we found he was lying; there were many others, just not as close to the shore. I was hoping that we’d be able to stay in a cabin or a yurt, but they were all booked and that night it rained…(Whose idea was it to camp for most of the trip?)

In the evening, we drove to see Cape Meares and the lighthouse I mentioned previously. It was a beautiful drive through Netarts and Oceanside.

When we got to the park, the view was amazing. (Look closely and you can see birds in the distance). We tried to find a place to eat in Tillamook, but most everything closed early. What can I say? Tillamook is a very small town.

Man's Woman's best friend

I went and spent the day with my dad, which was really nice. I wanted to spend some time with him to thank him for providing unlimited doggy daycare while I'm away; I worry much less when Koya is with him.

There were so many times on the trip that I wished we would have brought Koya with us. Next time, I think we will. Seeing all the dogs at the campground, I think even B. missed Koya a little.

The pictures from the coast are amazing. I’ll post some soon.

I'm back

After an amazing week on the Oregon coast, I’m finally home. I miss Koya though and having him at home to greet me.

Whale Watching Spoken Here

I haven’t had a chance to catch up on the blog, as I’ve been making my way down the Oregon Coast. B. and I camped at Cape Lookout Monday night and drove to see the lighthouse at Cape Meares at sunset. It rained most of the night, but was still a lot of fun camping on the beach.

After a great run where we escaped just before the afternoon tide, we drove to Lincoln City where I used to spend summer vacations with my mom.

Unfortunately, I found out that my conflict paper is due at the LIOS office earlier than expected. But as today has been a wet, rainy day, it’s made it a bit easier to write. I did get to go out and play a little today and even saw a gray whale from the Oregon State Whale Watching Center.

24 hours and counting

I’m still planning on leaving for vacation on Monday morning, but have so much I need to get done before then.

I’m so excited about spending a week on the Oregon coast—even if we do end up staying in a yurt! It will be so good to get away. B. and I have been planning this for months.

A night at the onsen

After visiting with my dad and handing off Koya, I went to the Olympus Spa last night with Patti and Marlane, which was very relaxing. I choose not to splurge on the traditional body scrub or the moisturizing treatment as I’ve done before. I didn’t miss much, except for the fresh cucumber face mask that comes with the milk, honey, and olive oil treatment. I spent most of the time in the heated rooms:

Mud and mugwort (160-170'F)
Sand (150 - 160 'F)
Sea salt (130 - 140 'F)
Granite stone (100 - 110 'F)

I like the spa in Lynwood, but my favorite is sill the one in Tacoma, as it's more like a traditional Korean bath house. The Seattle Times ran an article that featured the work of Photojournalist Betty Udesen, including the picture posted here. View the photo essay that she created using black-and-white infrared film.

A night at the High Dive

I managed to make it out to see Tim and his band, though they ended up going on well after midnight. I'm glad I did, as I ran in to an old friend from Write Image who I hadn't seen since I left more than a year and a half ago. She said what everyone says to me these days, that I look incredibly happy. It makes me remember how miserable I was.

I’ve made a great deal of changes since then. I’ve lost a lot of weight that I gained after my last accident. But more than that, I think that people’s reactions are a statement to the internal changes I’ve made. I’m pursuing something I’m passionate about. And although the freelance writing I’m doing now still has its challenges, it’s a world away from the environment I left.

Seeing Trika, however, also reminded me of how different it was when I started, when there were only a few of us. I’ve never worked in a place where I respected the people more. Come to think of it, some of my dearest friends are from Write Image. We've all moved on and most of us are much happier. I know now that meeting these people was my reason for being there.

Back to the show. It was a lot of fun, and I did stay until closing time.

Dancing with B., I had more fun than I've had in a while. I had one of those moments that I wish I could freeze and carry around with me. It was pure joy, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him happier.

Last Call

After promising for many years, I’m finally going to see my friend Tim’s band tonight at the High Dive. His group, Band from the Mall, isn't playing until 11:00. But, how could I resist when invited by the way of terribly written poetry?

The good news is we like you.
The bad news is we’re going on at 11pm.
The good news is the High Dive thinks we’re headliners.
The bad news is they think we should go on at 11pm.
The good news is our new drummer is a ninja.
The bad news is we’re going on at 11pm.
The good news is Simmons now has an Alembic.
The bad news is we’re going on at 11pm.
The good news is BFTM is back.
The bad news is we’re going on at 11pm.
We think the good news outweighs the bad.
So come on down… We’ll play your favorite song, we promise.

Lots of love,
-Timmy, Oney, Simmons, Adam & Ian

I’ve noticed that as I get older, I’ve become sort of a homebody. There are many times that I intend to go out at 10 or later and then when the time comes around, I’m usually too tired. But not tonight. I think part of my dedication to making it tonight is that Tim wrote to me and asked what my excuse would be this time. (I think I’ve used them all at one time or another).

Usually when a coworker asks you to come out to see him play you may go out of sympathy, but the band is never any good. I've heard that Band from the Mall is actually an exception to the rule. Dave Matthews meets Tom Waits.

I just hope it’s worth staying out until closing time...

It's beginning to look like a real office

So, Zia said I needed to share the new bookshelves with the world. I’m thinking of getting more, so that they go all along the wall and behind my desk.

By the way, here’s a picture of the beautiful chair my father refinished for me. I think it’s much better than the one from the PB, but I might be just a little biased.

One thing I love about my office is the way the morning light comes in from the East.

Living in the 'hood

My neighbor across the street woke me up this morning. I was wondering who it could possibly be. It turns out that someone had vandalized her car, my car, and B.’s as well. Luckily, most of the paint washed off with a lot of scrubbing, because it was Latex. However, there was still some I couldn’t get off. The rest of the cars on the block were fine. I think as mine is new and so is my neighbor’s that someone just wanted to do a little harm.

The police left just a little while ago, and I have a police report in case there is a problem when I return my car to the dealership when the lease is up.

Most of the time I absoultely adore my neighborhood. Today is just one of the days that the crime in this area shadows all the wonderful things about living here.

But, even when things like this happen, I still wouldn’t choose to live anywhere else in Seattle. I hope to stay in Seward Park for a long time to come.

Logic vs. intuition

I got my bookshelves yesterday, and am impatient to get them put together. I managed to get them inside somehow, which is saying something, because they are too heavy for me to lift off the ground. I’m supposed to wait for B. to help me put them together. It’s rather cute, he’s afraid of me putting them together the wrong way. Last night when I was going to attempt it, he said, “If you do try to put them together, at least read the directions.” That made me laugh, as reading directions is not something I do. And, actually, I’m thankful I don't, for that’s how I met Lisa. We became friends, because she burst out laughing at me--and in no gentle way. I looked at her then and said, “I’m going to like you.”

We had been asked to complete the Kolb Learning Style Inventory and were supposed to place ourselves on a grid depending on our learning styles (which of course I did without reading the instructions, though I did ask a second year if I did the test correctly).

I ended up with people talking about reading VCR manuals in detail. I knew something was terribly wrong. I don't belong here! I moved myself to the place I thought I should be, in the farmost corner of Active Experimentation (AE)—doing—and Concrete Experience (CE)—feeling—in the Accommodating quadrant. (I tend to jump in head first and love the sense of not knowing what comes next, which is why I feel most alive, most myself, when I’m traveling).

In my new spot on the grid, I read the directions and filled out the test with Lisa standing beside me. Funny thing is I ended up exactly where I had intuitively placed myself. According to my learning style, that’s completely normal. :)

Accommodating (doing and feeling - CE/AE) - The Accommodating learning style is 'hands-on', and relies on intuition rather than logic. These people use other people's analysis, and prefer to take a practical, experiential approach. They are attracted to new challenges and experiences, and to carrying out plans. They commonly act on 'gut' instinct rather than logical analysis. People with an Accommodating learning style will tend to rely on others for information than carry out their own analysis. This learning style is prevalent and useful in roles requiring action and initiative. People with an Accommodating learning style prefer to work in teams to complete tasks. They set targets and actively work in the field trying different ways to achieve an objective.

Trust your still, small inner voice, not loud, confident authorities.

Some studies report that drinking moderate amounts of alcohol regularly is good for your heart. Other research says that's not true at all. Similarly, the frequent use of cell phones either raises the risk for brain cancer or it doesn't; prayer done on behalf of sick people either helps them or it doesn't. Different scientists have come to opposite conclusions on both issues. In fact, contradictory opinions about a wide range of health concerns are now routine. That's just one of several good reasons why you should tune out experts as you tune into your own body, Cancerian. Go in quest of insights about how to promote your physical well-being by trusting your still, small inner voice, not loud, confident authorities.

That's great advice for me! :)

Who lives in Olalla?

Feng shui for the office

My dad and brother came to visit today, so I didn't get as much work done as I had planned. It was well worth it though, because I had such a good time.

My dad brought me a belated birthday present, too. He found an old museum-type office chair and has been refinishing it for me. I love it. It looks very similar to the chair in the picture, but it's solid wood.

The desk in the background looks a lot like my desk, too. I inherited the desk from Zia, who inherited it from her former business partner. I like that it’s been handed from one writer to another and passed along at just the time it’s needed. If and when I replace it, I hope to carry on the tradition.

On the topic of home offices, I finally found some book shelves at Ikea, which will make my office much more comfortable. However, the model I liked was temporarily out of stock. Somehow even without having book shelves to install, I still managed to procrastinate a while with several feng shui cures from Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui. (See an interesting article on good and bad procrastination).

While Creating Sacred Space is a great book, an even better one is Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui.

Life

Life now sings through me in radiant ecstasy. ~Ernest Holmes

Shes a good girl, loves her mamma

Yesterday, I had a moment I thought I’d never live to see. In fact, if someone were to predict it, I would have bet a lot of money against it.

The scene: It’s an early Saturday afternoon. My partner is watching football (the first and most unlikely event) and drinking his second beer (it’s an absolutely gorgeous day outside). Meanwhile, I'm busy cutting up apples to bake a pie. Yes, that's right, an apple pie. (I’ve never baked a pie. It’s very Middle America, and the cliché of the good girl baking pies all day makes me sad).

When I stopped to think about it, I felt like I had missed The Invasion of the Body Snatchers. But it was just so funny to me. It was in no way like the picture I had in my mind. And I realized the judgments I have about all of those things: football, women doing all of the cooking, what it means to be American. (I’m really rather cynical, and though I know how lucky I am to live in the United States, I see so many real problems with this country and am not exactly patriotic).

Ganted, I was trying to use at least a few of the hundreds of apples that have started to cover my yard so that not all of them would go to waste. And, in truth, my partner could care less about football. But the moment still gave me a good laugh and left me smiling. It shows just how hilarious assumptions can be and how—more often than not—many are completely unfounded.

Autumn in New York

I booked tickets to New York today. My partner is running in the New York Marathon, so we’re going there for 5 days or so to have some time to play in the city. It will be right before my ABS oral exams. I’m a little nervous about being gone then, but it may be really good for me to be able to get away and have fun. Maybe it will help me feel more at ease for the exam. I know that’s probably strange logic to some. For me, things like that help me manage anxiety.

But as it’s rather late in the game, we’re having difficulty finding a room that doesn’t cost a fortune. So far, it’s down to $175 a night for a room that we’d share with a few mice.

I did that when I stayed in India. At this point in life, roughing it has much less appeal. Although I can stay anywhere, I’d much rather sleep in a comfortable bed, have clean, hot water, and be able to have coffee when I first wake up in the morning. I guess that means I'm getting old?

Labour of love

Today when I woke up, I thought it was the most beautiful fall morning. I had plans to have a nice breakfast and then go for a short hike. That’s when things started to go wrong. I left the tea kettle on while I was upstairs and burnt it to a crisp. (Much to my dismay, the smoke alarm didn't go off).

Then I started to make a big breakfast for the boy—O’Brien potatoes, a spinach and mushroom omelet with sautéed onions, steak, and garlic, whole-grain toast with homemade apple butter Zia gave me, which was part of her Urban Jam Project.

I burnt my fingers badly on a pan I picked up, not knowing that it was scorching hot. (On my right hand, and exactly where my fingers hit the keyboard. Can you see some irony here?) This was the second time I’ve burnt my hand in a week or so. Then, there was a grease fire that I had a very hard time extinguishing, even after coating the stove with baking soda. Did I mention that the toast burnt, too? I guess it was just one of those mornings where everything that could go wrong did.

Amazingly, the food actually turned out delicious. I’m getting to be a much better cook these days. It’s good fuel for the holidays, as Nick won’t be able to give me such a hard time. And I’m enjoying it for the most part. I’m learning that I’m a messy cook, though. My kitchen can be spotless one moment and then...moments later…it looks like a tornado hit it.

But I like being in the kitchen. In a way, it makes me feel close to my mom, too. I used to wonder about the effort and time she put into cooking for us. She would spend hours in the kitchen. Now, I see that it’s a labour of love.

And today I've got the scars to prove it.

It is all prayer.

I went for the most beautiful run early this morning. The sun was just coming up in the sky as the morning fog melted away. Koya looked happier than he's been in so long running beside me.

I forget how much more productive my days are when I have the high of going for a run. I decided to go to All City Coffee for the day to get work done. At home, even though I have my own office, sometimes there are too many distractions. Laundry. Koya. The temptation to go work in the yard.
This morning, I came across another passage in Blessings that I’d like to share. I swear that book is magic. I took it with me to module and had others flip through the pages. Time after time, everyone who read through it got a message that was perfect for them at the time. Here’s mine for today.

It is all hossanah.
It is all prayer.
Jerusalem is walking in the world.
Jerusalem is walking in the world. ~Julia Cameron

THE WORLD IS MAGICAL IN ITS DIVERSITY. ABUNDANT IN ITS BLESSINGS.
My abundance comes to me in many forms. My life is abundant in multiple ways. I savor its specific abundance. I cherish its particular multiplicity. Loving humor, a tender smile, a compassionate conversations—all of these are forms of my abundance. Beauty in nature, the bounty of good food, music, the delight of sunlight on the skin—this is my abundance. The scent of flowers, the smell of newly mown grass—this is my abundance. The smile of a stranger, the leap of a cat, the sound of bells—this is my abundance. The satisfaction of a job well done, the pay for services rendered the thank-you of gratitude—this, too, is my abundance. I recognize and enumerate life’s generous gifts and hold them as blessings in my heart.

Why is this important today? I’ve been really struggling with my project, especially the fact that I’m doing much more work than I’m getting paid for. I want to remember that abundance is not only about money. It’s about the richness of life. Yes, the work I do brings me monetary abundance, but it has been coming at the price of my ability to appreciate all that’s around me—or lately I’ve let it supersede the abundance in other areas of my life. To me, real abundance is seeing Koya smile, cooking for someone I love, laughing so long and hard that my stomach hurts.

Having tea with a friend, the cool feeling of sheets against my skin when I first get into bed, the light of the moon—this is my abundance.

Chance

Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish. ~Ovid

If we took a holiday, took some time to celebrate

Sometimes as a freelancer, I loose all track of normal time. This morning a friend of mine informed me that today is a holiday, otherwise I wouldn’t have a clue.

For me, days like today sort of blend in with other days of the week until I go outside and check my mail or think about faxing in paperwork and returning phone calls. The rest of the world has halted for a brief moment. I sit back and take in a deep breath. I guess I could use a holiday, too.

Ouch!

I went for a short run at Seward Pak. My knee was really hurting, so I only ran about two miles and walked the rest of the way. It’s mind over matter, right?

I miss running everyday and want to make a commitment to run as much as possible in the month of September.

Island adventures

Can I just say how lucky I feel to live in one of the most beautiful places in the world? There are so many places to explore here—the mountains, the ocean, island after island. You could spend weeks traveling around and not even touch the surface.

Yesterday, my partner and I contemplated going to the Blackberry Festival in Bremerton, but missed the ferry and decided at the last minute to go to Whidbey Island. We planned on going to Fort Casey State Park and then to Coupeville for an annual gallery walk. I had not been to Whidbey Island in years and remembered being charmed by Coupeville and its art. Coupeville also happens to be the second oldest town in the state.

I couldn’t find my map of Washington, so we got a little lost and ended up first going to Possession Beach. One of the locals told us about a stretch of undeveloped state property that ran along the beach where a gray whale that washed up against shore was disposed of. On average, Washington state has four gray whale beachings a year.

We did in fact see the gray whale. It was heartbreaking, and yet seeing even the carcass of such an amazing animal left me feeling in awe of the diversity of marine wildlife in this area.

Whidbey Island is known for its whale watching tours. It also houses a piece of marine history, as when Rosie died in 1989, her skeleton was kept in Coupeville.

After spending some time at the beach, we drove 30 miles or so to Coupeville and got to see many of the galleries before they closed. Based on a recommendation, we stopped at a small bar overlooking the water called Toby’s for muscles and beer. The seafood was o.k., but the Parrot Head Ale, which is made at a microbrewery down the street, was great.

Just before we left town, we caught the most beautiful sunset over the pier.

Patience

In line for the Clinton ferry late last night, I was struck by a sign I saw.

Do not judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you sow.

This spoke to me, because sometimes I forget to step back and look at the seeds of growth I’m plantng and get frustrated that things aren’t moving faster. I also hoped that B. would take this quote to heart as he begins to work on his book again.

Sunday mornings

I love Sunday mornings and the feeling of complete freedom to relax, lie in bed, and read. Or spend the morning in solitude. I usually wake up, make myself coffee, and putter around the house listening to Sunday Brunch on the Mountain.

When I was younger, Sundays were hard for me, because they were the days that I missed mom the most. Oftentimes, I’d think about calling her. And right after she died, there were many times I did. I’d get halfway through the numbers, be overcome by sadness, and put the phone down.

Now although I miss her more than anything, I don’t have that same sadness—or at least it's not constant. It still always comes back when I least expect it.

I’m starting to see where she appears in my own life. My family has new traditions, too. Every few weeks, my dad and Nick come to visit on Sundays and we spend the afternoon together. We all still feel mom’s absence, but I'm incredibly grateful that we are able to be close in this way. That we are able to celebrate life.