My last session was...difficult. A close friend of mine pointed out that, perhaps, I was being a bit hard on myself. (That has been my pattern in the past, hasn't it?). I have been doing a lot of reflection about the session--and difficult topics coming to surface for my clients and me failing are not the same thing. In fact, maybe it is the exact opposite of failing. I remember a professor I greatly admire suggesting that exploring the difference in pain and damage/hurt and harm would be valuable for me as a practitioner. I know, personally, that sometimes looking at painful issues can result in unprecedented growth. However, when I am part of the uncovering, bringing the elephant in the room to light, it remains difficult to watch as my clients touch their own pain.
After a night going over the session in my mind, and not sleeping very well, I was lucky enough to go to a spiritual empowerment group today at East West Bookshop. I was in awe at the connection and incredible energy this group shared. As each person went around the circle and spoke, I heard several clear messages. One of them, which I have been receiving in many ways, is that I need to start speaking my full truth and not holding back. When it came to the person beside me, my experience shifted. I became overwhelmed with a strong pain in my stomach and an ache in my heart that was almost unbearable. What is different is that when she was finished and asked for help, I shared what was going on for me, in my body, and asked her outright about her pain.
It was a big step for me, and it proved to be the right thing. As scary as it was for me to listen and act upon my intuition, the woman and several other people thanked me for sharing. This was a huge lesson for me. I wasn't thinking about my practice; I wasn't thinking about who was in the room; I wasn't thinking about what anyone would think about about me. I was simply being of service, because I could feel the woman's pain. I was getting signals so strong that if I suppressed them, I knew I would leave feeling sick. So it's almost by default that I said what I did, and then something beautiful happened. As a group, we all felt a release and a sense of healing. I don't think it was me who did anything. It was just allowing energy to flow through me. But being in that state of allowing felt new to me.
This group was amazing. I feel privileged to have been a part of it. And I am so grateful for the messages I am receiving. I'm grateful, too, that--finally--I am listening.
Tonight I had my first session with a couple that I found on my own. No referral. Just me, marketing myself. And I was able to ask for my full fee, a first for me, because all my previous clients had a predetermined fee based on a sliding scale.
