Trust, now? Really?

So, I finally got myself to see how selling the house was a good decision for me at this time in my life, which was really, really hard--and emotionally draining. And tonight I got a message that the couple (who had already written an offer--and come to look at the house countless times--even wanting to move forward with an inspection last weekend) decided that they wanted to wait until spring and were just not ready to move. Actually, one of them was set on the house and on moving. The other one just went through losing a personal friend to Cancer and seemed to want some stability in her life--to stay where she's at--and I can understand that.

It just seems like the universe is messing with me a bit.

I feel like I'm back in a phase of my life--where my life lessons come in a major way. I don't know if the stakes have to be severe in order for me to pay attention? To really commit to a new way of being? The whole thing with trust is something I have been working on for quite some time. Trust in myself. Trust in the universe. Now, the stakes are higher than ever. The funny thing is that I thought I had moved past this--where life lessons could be learned and didn't have to be gut-wrenchingly difficult.

When I first started upon this journey to become a counselor years ago after a series of serious accidents, I remember it was much more difficult to really believe that all things happen for a reason. I remember a time when I could not leave my apartment, could not walk down the stairs, and really did not know how I would support myself. At that time, believing that we attract circumstances and people into our lives for our own learning seemed hard to fathom.

I feel like I am being asked to trust with absolutely no net of safety. I don't know how I'm going to make upcoming mortgage payments. And yet I need to invest in my future. I need to sign a lease for my office. I need to move forward--and move forward without having the option of going back to a world and a life I no longer believe in. I guess with the couple deciding not to buy the house, I have to believe that I will be o.k., that I will do well. That although I do not have the answers as to how, the universe will somehow take care of me.

I'm committed to trusting.
I'm committed to taking this time to see how my thoughts are affecting the outcome.
I'm committed to following this path, however scary.