Expanding the circle

I set the intention for myself that I wanted to try to be less anxious in intense emotional fields. In trying to take a step towards further differentiation, I found my brother upset at me and my dad caught in a well-established pattern of triangulation. Holding onto myself was uneasy and felt very clumsy, yet I still did the best I could.

I suppose you really should be careful what you wish for, because later that afternoon after reflecting on how I handled the situation and my desire to change certain patters, I began to feel better.

Then, I went into the office to pick up something I left on Friday and I set of the security alarm. Luckily, the policed did not come. (They were dispatched, but then cancelled). It turned out it was not my fault at all, but it made for a very difficult afternoon, where I could have been very upset at myself--and truth be told, I was for a while.

What I'm taking away, however, is that despite all of this, I was able to calm myself down--if not come back to center and have a wonderful, wonderful day.

I made scallop risotto with roasted bell peppers and grated orange zest. It took a long time and made the kitchen a huge mess, but it was so much fun. I found the recipe in a book I purchased at the Magunson Park Book Fair, which we went to on Saturday and came home with bags and bags of great books.

And this morning I got a very sweet message from my dad. I realize that change takes time, and I also see the push back reaction we learned about in school when one person attempts to self-differentiate.

Still, I'm very hopeful and believe it will get easier, piece by piece.