Holding lightly
A lot happened outside of class this module. I’m trying to hold the experience lightly. Right now, I’m processing and very thankful to have this time before going to my internship tomorrow. Last night I received feedback from one of my colleagues that had a strong impact on me. I’ve been asking myself what about it I had a reaction to. Was it that I highly respect this person and was surprised? Was it that he didn't think I had fully achieved competency? That really I was not a good therapist?
In receiving feedback from all of my classmates, I can see a grain of truth in what everyone writes. I can also see that it clearly comes from each person's unique perspective. I may receive the same general feedback from several people, but it comes out differently based on who is giving the feedback. I have also seen how much of me is reflected in the feedback that I have given others. There are reasons we notice what we do... This has been a huge lesson for me.
I have received both confirming feedback (in line with my own vision of self) and disconfirming feedback (in opposition to my concept of self and my beliefs). I don’t know if this is the first time, but it is definitely much clearer to me now that the disconfirming feedback that I did not hold as true for myself was very easy to let go of. However, the pieces of feedback that hit on a truth, however hidden, seemed to resonate and ripple through my thoughts. That feedback has stayed with me.
Last night and this morning, I have realized that I paid more attention to the challenging, disconfirming feedback I received from a single person than I did the positive feedback from all of my classmates combined, including those who know me best. Some of my close colleagues mentioned just that—in as loving a way as they could. I seemed overly aware of my edges and not accepting or even willing to acknowledge my strengths. Can I move to a place that I accept myself as a whole person, with both incredible beauty and flaws? Taking this in, really hearing it, along with how I held the disconfirming feedback has given me a lot to think about.
I actually let out an exasperated sigh when I received a couple very positive evaluations of my leadership. On Sunday afternoon, I also led I-Group and was somewhat disappointed that the group did not offer me much challenging feedback. I heard the compliments, but where was the challenge? Where could I be a better leader?
What I’m sitting with right now is how touched I was by several colleagues. One of them said that I seemed almost willing to receive negative feedback, but don't acknowledge in myself what I so readily acknowledge in others. Of the people who know me well, that was a very common theme.
So, I’m trying to look at things a little differently and be open to growth occurring without hardship and to see, really see the good and wonderful parts about myself. Slowly, I'm starting to believe that I am good enough. And this is just the tip of the iceberg in how this module has touched me.
In receiving feedback from all of my classmates, I can see a grain of truth in what everyone writes. I can also see that it clearly comes from each person's unique perspective. I may receive the same general feedback from several people, but it comes out differently based on who is giving the feedback. I have also seen how much of me is reflected in the feedback that I have given others. There are reasons we notice what we do... This has been a huge lesson for me.
I have received both confirming feedback (in line with my own vision of self) and disconfirming feedback (in opposition to my concept of self and my beliefs). I don’t know if this is the first time, but it is definitely much clearer to me now that the disconfirming feedback that I did not hold as true for myself was very easy to let go of. However, the pieces of feedback that hit on a truth, however hidden, seemed to resonate and ripple through my thoughts. That feedback has stayed with me.
Last night and this morning, I have realized that I paid more attention to the challenging, disconfirming feedback I received from a single person than I did the positive feedback from all of my classmates combined, including those who know me best. Some of my close colleagues mentioned just that—in as loving a way as they could. I seemed overly aware of my edges and not accepting or even willing to acknowledge my strengths. Can I move to a place that I accept myself as a whole person, with both incredible beauty and flaws? Taking this in, really hearing it, along with how I held the disconfirming feedback has given me a lot to think about.
I actually let out an exasperated sigh when I received a couple very positive evaluations of my leadership. On Sunday afternoon, I also led I-Group and was somewhat disappointed that the group did not offer me much challenging feedback. I heard the compliments, but where was the challenge? Where could I be a better leader?
What I’m sitting with right now is how touched I was by several colleagues. One of them said that I seemed almost willing to receive negative feedback, but don't acknowledge in myself what I so readily acknowledge in others. Of the people who know me well, that was a very common theme.
So, I’m trying to look at things a little differently and be open to growth occurring without hardship and to see, really see the good and wonderful parts about myself. Slowly, I'm starting to believe that I am good enough. And this is just the tip of the iceberg in how this module has touched me.
posted by Elizabeth at 11:50 AM
1 Comments:
Thank you so much for sharing this piece of your journey. It's so interesting about the confirming and disconfirming feedback, isn't it? And the subjectivity that we all bring to this process. It takes courage and heart to hold it all. Two qualities that you manifest so openly...
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