A new day

So I did not begin 2007 the exact way I intended, with a long run in the park and feeling joy and anticipation for what’s to come. I drank a lot on New Year’s Eve. A lot, a lot. And yesterday I felt horrible. I still managed to make black-eyed peas for good luck and then spent a quiet night reading—not anything for school (which I feel a little guilty about), but a book that I last read in college for my first course in fiction writing called Writing Down the Bones.

There are many great passages, which I hope to share later. Natalie Goldberg suggests that you approach writing the same way she believes you approach life—with complete honesty and acceptance of each moment, however it comes to you.

Today two of my dear friends commented that they were surprised that I have been drinking more recently. Considering the alcoholism that runs in my family and my deep commitment to not recreating the past, it’s something I want to look at. It’s touching to me, too, that my friends know that there must be some reason, as it’s not really in my character. So, in this moment, that’s what I am trying for—honesty and acceptance for both myself and others.

I asked B. the other day as a joke, “Are you happy to be alive today?” It’s a simple question, and just thinking about it makes me realize that, yes, I’m very happy to be alive today. I have great hopes for the coming year—for my own growth, for the deepening of my relationship, for learning to trust, and for extending love to those around me.